The current free ebook is located at this link:
http://haggishell.com/ridgeproject.pdf

For details about the ebook, click here.

130625. To explain a point in the Kappelin conversation from last night, I have furniture. It's limited but I've gotten along well enough with little for years.

What's changed is that they broke or took away most of the little. The little was too much. I could not be allowed to keep it.

The bookcases are gone except for a two-shelf side piece that's presently empty. I'd had them for over 30 years. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I'd walk over the bookcases, look at the shelves, and cry.

I wasn't sure about why I cried. I believe that I understand now. It was the ghost of the Boy Who Writes half present and seeking to be alive again. A ghost superimposed on me. Instants where somebody who'd been sent away woke up and looked out of my eyes. I don't think I cried in 30 years except for these moments.

I was given a bed recently. I'd been sleeping on the floor. The old bed was gone for multiple reasons. Purchase of a new bed was out of the question.

One factor was that the old bed had sharp pieces of metal sticking out. The sharp pieces cut me. I woke up covered in blood. Looking at one leg now, I see that there is a scar. So it was arguably time for that piece of furniture to go.

The computer stand had to be given away. I was preparing to leave the country. I'd hoped to ship the bookcases but the computer stand would have added too much volume.

It was a good piece of furniture. I'd had that one over 25 years. It was designed to handle hardware in the days when hardware was heavy. Monitors were huge. Some PCs were made of sturdy metal and difficult to lift.

One of my computers was a Sperry PC/IT. Check it out. Sperry made that PC bulky and heavy on purpose. It was intended to be a manly machine. Impressive to behold.

I was given the Kiraly Family dining room table years ago by my parents. But I didn't really want it. Jim used to shout across that table.

Eventually, I passed the Kiraly table on to Monty Swaiss. Ken Kiraly, you remember Monty Swaiss, of course. He's the one who took me to your bachelor party before your wedding. The party where you wouldn't look at me. The event where you pretended that I physically didn't exist. You know, Ken, it was sort of creepy.

The table was damaged in transit but perhaps it made other people happy instead of sad. It's nice to imagine a family around it. Adults smiling and not hurting anybody.

Most of the other pieces of furniture went this year as well.

The TV set hadn't been used since 2007. Goodbye, old friend. You were a reliable companion but the world has changed. TV is not as important now.

The VCR went with the TV. BTW Young people may find it interesting to hear that VCRs were surprising devices at first. The fact that TV shows could be recorded was unexpected. But after a few years it was old hat. Kevin King and I used to run VCRs at school to record movies based on novels for English class.

Some of my clothes went. Many of my books too. Even the Universal Anthology that Ivan Kmeta had owned. LittleCoder loved that set. It was one of the few heirlooms that he was allowed to have. But it is gone.

There weren't many other heirlooms to deal with. Grace had given most such things to in-laws or grandchildren who weren't interested. Her reasoning was that “Bob” didn't have children. If he died, heirlooms would be lost. The notion that “Bob” could pass things on in a will was too complicated to think about.

Of course, “Bob” did try to pass things on in a will. But that's another story, isn't it, Michael Bonetto?

My original plan was to move to Thailand at Light Bringer's invitation. Or to Poland. The Angel of Code and I talked by phone about the Poland option. I'm still not certain of who or what he is, but we talked and he seemed real. Slavic accent and a plan that seemed detailed. I talked to travel agents and I came very close to getting on a plane to Poland.

But the money needed to buy plane tickets and to ship possessions disappeared into the endless maw of the Kiraly Cases.

The Masked Lua offered to help. If you've read his story, you won't be surprised to hear that he knows about trucks. The idea was that he'd come out here, we'd buy a used truck, and he'd move me back to his city.

I wouldn't have lasted there, though, without preparation. And there was no time to prepare.

In the end, all plans were fled. The silent wings brushed me. And it appears that the soft touch I felt was real.

Michael Bonetto of Hoge Fenton, a dedicated professional who is pleased to adhere to high standards. Others at Hoge Fenton, a firm whose reputation is beyond question. Do you happen to know why I looked as I did on the day of the deposition? The deposition that Michael mocked with a carefully composed tone of voice at the hearing in April. I don't recall if I've mentioned the circumstances before.

As a side note, interviews with members of Hoge Fenton or people interested in the firm, in God, or in anti-abuse efforts are politely requested.

I kept a dresser, a file cabinet, and two folding chairs. I'd had the dresser for over 30 years. It's damaged now from being moved around. More than one type of damage. I don't know how to fix it.

The file cabinet is slightly warped. It's good for general storage but not for holding paper files. LittleCoder had the file cabinet about 45 years ago. It's one of the last of his possessions that still exists. I haven't had the heart to discard it yet. If a reader would like to take the file cabinet, I might try to ship it to him or her.

I've obtained some freestanding plastic storage things from Walmart. Shelves, large containers that hold clothes, and something that I don't know the name of. Some of the storage things are warped and shoddy. But they get the job done.

130624. This is a conversation with Kappelin that happens to include an extemporaneous poem. The extemporaneous part is interesting. It's part of a shift that started in the Spring of 2008. The change, which is mentioned in the conversation, was about recovery from abuse and surfacing out of the depths of Time.

Surfacing to find, despite attempts to move forward, hatred on the part of my abuser Jim waiting for me. Not surprising. The surprising part was how far the rest of it went. How casually Grace, Tom, and Ken lied. How easy it was for them to take away the pieces that were left of my life.

To clarify one point in the conversation, I do have furniture though it's limited. I'll post separately about that.

<OldCoder> pain... hot bath will help. finish code and docs.
<OldCoder> bbs
<Kappelin> k
pause

<Kappelin> debug info is included
<Kappelin> paste this in top box:
<Kappelin> Integrate[Cot[a*x]^n, x]
<Kappelin> then press Submit
<Kappelin> i'll tell you the damn issue: it was making a directory not a file

<OldCoder> That is what I was trying to tell you
<OldCoder> plus you needed fopen I think
<OldCoder> Can't access sites ATM
<Kappelin> k
<OldCoder> Just chat or simple sites
<Kappelin> which sites?
<Kappelin> oh

<OldCoder> I am not on regular computer
<Kappelin> you're busy
<Kappelin> ok
<OldCoder> No
<OldCoder> Not busy at all
<OldCoder> Bath has woken me up
<OldCoder> I will chat a bit
<OldCoder> With people
<OldCoder> Before I sleep

<OldCoder> I have old laptops now
<OldCoder> Some were given to me
<OldCoder> Affordably
<OldCoder> By people such as you located here
<OldCoder> One of them
<OldCoder> On my birthday
<OldCoder> Charged me just $10 for a memory upgrade
<OldCoder> I insisted he take $20 IIRC

<OldCoder> The laptop I am on now
<OldCoder> Is very small
<OldCoder> It sits atop a shoebox
<OldCoder> On the floor
<OldCoder> As I have no furniture

<OldCoder> I can access your site
<OldCoder> But the browser that is available
<OldCoder> Cannot see the CSS
<OldCoder> ^ Explanation
<Kappelin> ok

<OldCoder> I like laptops
<OldCoder> Large and small
<OldCoder> Did not in the past
<OldCoder> Laptops are a blast
<OldCoder> Linux is good
<OldCoder> makes old hardware fast
<OldCoder> past is past fast is blast
<OldCoder> Linux on laptops will last

<OldCoder> Hmm
<OldCoder> Not bad
<Kappelin> yeah, not bad
<OldCoder> For extemporaneous
<OldCoder> I still don't understand
<OldCoder> How the change happened

130623. This is a personal letter from me to somebody who's reviewing some concepts connected to the book.

1. You said, “I'm not sure I can agree that Denial (a tool often used by people to allow them to do things they know are bad) is the actual cause of the evil. The Bible, for instance, suggests that the love of money (AKA greed) is the root of much evil. My observation is that Denial does in fact seem to be present when I see things I think qualify as evil.”

I'm not sure there's a disagreement here. Let's look a bit further at denial, evil, and related factors such as conscience.

Denial is part of our make-up. A part of us that is stronger than what people refer to as conscience.

Conscience is the feeling of guilt that comes from disappointing somebody in the pack. It's not about right or wrong. If you've observed dogs, you may have seen this force in action. Dogs have consciences that are similar to yours and mine. They care nothing for those outside their pack, or for fine points of logic. What matters to them is this: will a member of the pack be upset with them?

Denial allows people to change reality. It towers over conscience. But both things are wired into us. Both exist at a neurological level. They're more a part of Nature than Nurture though Nurture does make a difference.

Both forces are connected to what you think of as Good and Evil. They're separate. Not flip sides of each other. Instead, they're parts of a greater whole.

Conscience promotes bonds within a pack and thereby protects pack members. Denial is, I believe, how most decisions are made in life. It's not necessarily about rejecting facts but instead about processing patterns and working backwards from conclusions that are reached in an animal way.

It's foreign to our Nature to start with facts and proceed forward into the unknown. We're more comfortable behaving as animals do. To see a flicker of motion and decide, it must be a Tiger. Run away. There's no time to reason about the flicker. And, from an animal's perspective, no point in doing so.

Instant decisions based on random impressions. This is how it works. Then, in a human context, anger if one is disturbed with something as irrelevant as facts.

In short, we're animals in a loosely organized hierarchy of packs. All of society is pretend. Pretend that there is a system and that it has rules. This is true but the rules are not as children are taught to believe. And taught to pretend once they're too old for childish fancies.

The scope of the pretense is breathtaking. People are not blind to this. However, if they consider the matter they're stopped before they proceed too far. Stopped by their own neurology. One can't transcend the scope of one's own denial.

Now, what is “evil” ? Is it defined as a set of specific actions that can be listed without context? You know this isn't true. Context is important. “Thou Shalt Not Kill”, for example, is a mistranslation. The correct wording is “Thou Shalt Not Murder”.

Is evil a quality of individual people that can't be defined or pinned down? After what I've been through, this isn't acceptable to me.

As an example, I believe that my Father, my Mother, and my Brothers possess the quality of evil. From my point of view, it's an established fact. A fact that I paid a high price to learn and that I'm entitled to cite.

The Kiralys took not only my most treasured possessions and my right hand, but my future, any chance to start a family of my own, opportunities to help others, and nearly my life. For the sake of lies. It wasn't even necessary.

My perspective is that there are no people in history who are more evil. But how would this be measured? The Nazis, as a group, killed millions of people. Is that the metric? Or is the metric denial? The force that makes the Nazis and those like them possible.

It's important to define the terms used. Am I entitled, from an ethical perspective, to say that the Kiralys are evil without stating what evil is?

Evil is an amorphous concept. People use the word to mean what it's convenient for them to have it mean. I'd prefer to stick with clearer points. Terms that are moderately well defined.

Keeping this in mind, I'll word things differently.

People proceed based on decisions made in an animal way. In some contexts, facts play no serious role. Facts are considered offensive if they get in the way. After decisions are made, look out. This is the heart of denial. Some people, like my Father James and my Mother Grace, will defecate on the truth rather than face it.

From my perspective, defecating on the truth is the same thing as sh*tting on Jesus Christ himself. But most people don't see things this way.

There are no rules such as humans pretend exist. Not rules related to facts. Animals obey no rules but those of the pack. Without the pack, little Jack, you'd best stay back. Susie keep away because Jack... needs to pray.

It's best to be a member of as many packs as possible. Because conscience, the fact that people may feel guilt about hurting a member of the pack, or even desire to support pack members, is the main thing that's going to protect you.

Those of you who grow up with families and integrate into society subsequently don't understand how literal this is.

2. You said, “The far more interesting thing is what do you see, from your different angle? It is exactly because you see things from a different angle that your observations could be more interesting.”

Are you able to explain what you mean? I've talked about what I've observed and the models that make sense to me. If you're interested in issues that I haven't addressed yet, indicate them and I'll respond to the extent possible.

3. You said, “I disagree with your points about how the truth remains hidden.”

Facts come out decades later. Or centuries. Does it matter? Depending on the circumstances, the answer is often no. If the facts contradict desired conclusions, denial continues. Vociferously. Otherwise, people say “Nothing to do with us. Not important.”

You cited examples of entire cultures built on massive structures of fragile lies. But most countries are built on sturdier assemblages of smaller lies. The truth comes out... after time. And it's seen as a curiosity. The delay makes a difference. It feeds denial.

4. You said, “GOD: You suggested that my comments were general statements. In fact they are statements which are “in general” true. I will now suggest a specific Scriptural reference: Please start reading from Matthew 7:7. The “seek and you shall find” things seems like it should interest you. I reiterate my suggestion: ask God for help with these things... Why not ask God for some insights? This is a general statement, while simultaneously a specific statement.”

Very well. But isn't it presumptuous of you to assume that I haven't done this? Aren't you working backwards from conclusions that happen to feel right?

130623. This is a personal letter from me to an artist friend who I'll call Lisi.

Dear Lisi,

Thanks for writing. Your artwork is good as it stands. I suggest that you work on a few online galleries and sites. Including background stories to build interest.

You expressed concern last year that people may take copies of the drawings and use them for free. Yes, this is possible. Accept it and build a presence regardless.

I could host more of the artwork and write about it. I've been given new hardware. It can handle anything. You'll find photos of the hardware at the site that you know of. There are gallery sites where your drawings may be presented as well. You don't need to spend money. In the modern world everybody can be published for free. Everybody can have their say.

For reasons that you know, things are in disarray for me. At the end, staying in the world became difficult. But I'm attempting to become organized again.

If you're interested, let's try this. Send me full-size copies of four of the drawings. Include some words about each one. The titles, any legends that are connected to the scenes, the names of the characters. I'll ask you questions over time and edit the text. We'll see what we can make of it.

Regards, Robert (OldCoder)

130623. Shiing Shen, a junior math and physics fan, has stopped by with a paper on wormholes and particle exchange. It is presented below.

Hypothetical wormholes and particle exchanging (quanta)
by Shiing Shen

In this article we'll be creating a simple model for a hypothetical wormhole. It will include a rule set and equations documenting its geometry and physical aspects.

First we'll start off with the geometry of our wormhole model.

This will produce a double cone. We have a lim where x -> 0, as absolute zero will not allow particles to pass through.

This is E, our 'equilibrium point'. Beyond this point is the second point in space you want the particles to travel to (F{2}). F{1...2} denotes points in space.

Now with the geometry done, we can move onto the physical attributes (particle exchanging in quanta). With this model, the integral is transmitting them as a singularity, but you can feel free to extend or make the particles a vector: |P|.

There you go, a simple hypothetical wormhole model which will transport particles to different points in space. It is still missing some important things such as thermodynamics, though.

Part of a related conversation:

<ShiingShen> btw, nice server
<OldCoder> t y
<OldCoder> You misspelled exchanging in the title, didn't you?
<ShiingShen> uh
<OldCoder> :-)
<ShiingShen> allow me to check
<ShiingShen> forgot the x
<ShiingShen> thanks

<OldCoder> Start working on gaps in these papers
<OldCoder> Fill them in; it's fun
<OldCoder> Not tedious
<OldCoder> You get to build complete frameworks
<ShiingShen> okay

<ShiingShen> but what do you mean by gaps?
<OldCoder> Define terms. Show that casual assertions are true. You'll find mistakes and fix them.
<ShiingShen> Oh, I see
<OldCoder> So far you are basically doing fragments and outlines

<ShiingShen> Heh, most of the time I just assume people know what they mean
<OldCoder> Nope
<OldCoder> But that is not all
<OldCoder> By imposing a rigorous structure
<OldCoder> You will debug your reasoning
<ShiingShen> okay

LaTeX code for Shiing Shen's formulae:

s = \left (\lim_{x \to 0} \pi x^2 \right ) \times 2

\mathbb{E} = \frac{s}{2}

\displaystyle \leq \mathbb{E} \in F_1

\displaystyle \geq \mathbb{E} \in F_2

\int_{i = 1}^{\mathbb{E}} \left\{ \begin{matrix} P_{i} \to P_{\mathbb{E} + i} \end{matrix}\right\},

These are as he composed them except for the last one. There was a minor typo in the original version. The LaTeX code had \left. where \left{ appears now and so the left brace wasn't visible.

130622. I received a nice surprise today. Hardware that looks better than expected. The IT expert involved has gone out of his way to be helpful. I think that he might be described as a Christ Follower.

Jim Kiraly the perjurer and abuser. His wife Grace; what can one say when one's Mother is a liar? Tom the idiot. Ken the enigma. And the others. They figured they'd sweep it under the rug.

As it turns out, the abuse and the lies aren't going to disappear.

Check out the new Kiraly Foundation hardware. Eight cores. Eight is Enough for Love. 32 gigs of RAM. Hardware RAID. Redundant internal USB3 backup on top of that. This is implemented by a PCI card which is not shown. Oh, and a gigabit switch. The bits fly by with hardly a sigh.

Good Grief. Not half bad. Don't you agree? Photos are below. BTW The orange RAM belongs to the Masked Lua. I didn't know that he and I shared this connection, but we do. The blue RAM is mine.

Photo 1: The 8 sticks of blue OldCoder RAM are 8x4GB for a total of a whopping 32GB. The Masked Lua's RAM is the orange. 8x1GB and two 2GB sticks were substituted (not shown here) so he has a total of 10GB.

Photo 2: Twelve new 10,000 RPM hard drives. 10,000 RPM spin must make a din. 2.5 inches and 72GB each. Assembled into a RAID to promote resistance to attacks by Kind and Loving Kiraly Family Members. I have half of these disks and the Masked Lua has the other half.

Photos 3 and 4: A photo of the inside of the new Kiraly Foundation server and a rear view.

Photo 5: The new Kiraly Foundation server waits to serve its purpose. To tell the truth and to contribute to anti-abuse efforts.

It's not located where I live. The hardware is being maintained for me far away. And if something happens to happen to this Free Speech system, God Willing, we will see, with the support of others, others there will be.

130622. Phenek checks in with a nice Estonia photo.

<Phenek> in tallinn now
<OldCoder> How is it?
<Phenek> on terrace, waiting for lunch
<Phenek> hotel was unbelievably cool
<OldCoder> Talinn Terrace
<OldCoder> Not just cool but unbelievably so?
<Phenek> yes!!

<Phenek> there's old style bathtub in our bedroom
<Phenek> and princess or queen bed
<Phenek> old wooden floor
<Phenek> and the building from 1362
<Phenek> just awesomely beautiful

<OldCoder> A photo is called for of course
<Phenek> that u will have. good ones later
<Phenek> I can maybe paste one photo I took with phone
<Phenek> or email it
<Phenek> sent :)

<OldCoder> Enjoy the terrace
<OldCoder> Life is moments
<Phenek> of course :)
<OldCoder> Device just signalled your picture
<OldCoder> A little chime
<Phenek> :)
<OldCoder> Life changes too
<Phenek> lunch came
<OldCoder> Photos announced by music
<OldCoder> Eat

130621. There have been inquiries related to Minnesota Fats. He states that he won his latest Pool Match four to zero. And that he came close to a Pool “Break and Run”. This is an achievement at the Edge of All There Is.

Minnesota Fats thanks you for your interest.

130621. Mr. Wizard is experiencing Wizard's Block. He is not sure what fate will befall the Captured King next. However, he provides here a Math Puzzle for your amusement.

130621. littlebir has returned to speak with me. I am grateful.

<littlebir> your writing is spectacular as usual
<OldCoder> Oh?!
* OldCoder is startled

<littlebir> sarcasticly humerous as usual
<littlebir> but i'm very happy to see your story published on the web
<littlebir> mirrored in many domains

<littlebir> you resemble a happycoder
<littlebir> when you rhyme
* OldCoder is pleased

<OldCoder> Skimming above the surface of death
<OldCoder> Bold as ever
<OldCoder> Scraping the surface
<OldCoder> You can't imagine how close it's been
<OldCoder> Still
<OldCoder> I will write right by the night light
<OldCoder> I must continue to do this
<OldCoder> It matters

<littlebir> being found is the hardest part for an author
<OldCoder> I will be heard
<OldCoder> Found is not a pound's worth
<OldCoder> It is no big deal
<OldCoder> But I should not be silenced

<littlebir> why is it not a big deal?
<littlebir> it seems like a big deal

<littlebir> i have a question
<OldCoder> Yes?
<littlebir> which i may have asked last year
<OldCoder> I am here never fear
<littlebir> if you stopped writing, the family will not try to hunt?
<OldCoder> It is difficult to say. And irrelevant. They have taken everything. The writing, the truth, is all that is left.

<littlebir> i will tell friends
<OldCoder> Thank you
<OldCoder> It matters

<littlebir> i will be back in 15 minutes
<littlebir> family prayer
<OldCoder> All right in God's sight prayer tonight

130620. One hour ago, I met with Minnesota Fats at the Edge of All There Is. He's a pool player. The same age, I think, as one of my younger brothers, if I had brothers.

I've known Minnesota Fats for about 15 years. When we first crossed paths, he had cancer. I introduced him to Grace Kiraly at the time because they were both Fundamentalists.

He and I remained in communication off and on. Not so much in the past five years. But when the Kiralys, including the abuser James Kiraly and his cowardly son Thomas, attacked, Minnesota Fats didn't hesitate. Like others, he did what he knew was right. Without missing a heartbeat. He helped to save my life.

Two months after that I heard a voice call my name. It was Minnesota Fats at the Edge. Our lives intersected there by chance. We've spoken occasionally since then.

Tonight he revealed that the cancer isn't gone. There's a secondary phase to be dealt with. The appropriate thing, if somebody must face this, is for God to take it from this person, who is good, and give to somebody who is not.

God, if You are real, perhaps it would make more sense if You took the cancer from my Friend Minnesota Fats and gave it to my Mother Grace Kiraly.

In 2010, Grace told me that she was ill with cancer and therefore couldn't speak. It was a lie. The woman was headed out on a vacation cruise. Therefore the suggestion is reasonable.

Surely liars rejoice when their lies become truth. Grant the liars of the world the boon of this transition.

130620. A tie clip is a small piece of metal or plastic that holds a tie in place. It's a simple little thing. Yet it provides some dignity. Without a tie clip, ties tend to flap about. Not what one wishes in a business meeting.

So, a tie clip is useful. But you'd think it would be inexpensive. It's essentially a large paperclip. No such luck; in my area, the item costs $15.00 to $20.00 in U.S. Dollars.

To make things clear to my international friends, that's 4 to 5 gallons of gasoline. I bought a tie clip last week regardless. I spent $20.00 to get it. More than I could afford on my current budget.

And last night, Wednesday, I lost the little device.

It fell off during errands that I handled on the way home. After 12 hours at the office. Hardly worth panic but it was a little sad. The Kiralys had cost me some of my fingers. They'd lied and smashed my life. And they'd taken away even this small shred of dignity; the ability to pay for a little toy so I wouldn't appear sloppy to business associates.

I retraced my steps and found the tie clip. It had fallen off in a parking lot. Waited patiently on the ground for me to come and rescue it. I did so. Therefore I may wear ties again with confidence.

130620. The photo below is of Tree Collard Cuttings. These are branches of a Tree that will grow into a new Tree if they are treated with care.

In this case, the Tree has tasty leaves that are similar to Spinach when cooked. DNA the 82 year old attorney has introduced me to them. I'm glad to make their acquaintance.

Rhiannon gave me Sage Cuttings recently. I can't grow things and I'll never do so again; the Kiralys have taken that simple pleasure from me. So I passed the Sage Cuttings on to DNA and his wife RNA. In return, I requested Tree Collard Cuttings, which I've now given to Rhiannon.

The plants will grow on both sides. Life and fun will multiply. Entropy is beaten back if only for a short while. This is the way that things should be.

130620. Bending Roads has solved the most recent Mr. Wizard puzzle. Regrettably there is no million dollar prize for the solution.

130620. I've been sent a Linux Anime Desktop Screenshot. The screenshot is below. The computer is running Arch Linux. The desktop environment is XFCE plus Cairo-Dock. The anime character is Mion Sonozaki from Higurashi When They Cry. I'm not familiar with the series but it's apparently a murder mystery.