The current free ebook is located at this link:
http://haggishell.com/ridgeproject.pdf

For details about the ebook, click here.

130101.4. My father's legal attacks are weighing on me. I know, intellectually, that it's possible for an abuser to try something like this. However, the situation feels increasingly odd.

My father, James Kiraly of Pismo Beach, filed legal actions against me circa mid-2012. I live hundreds of miles away and I've spent a fair amount of time over the past decade unable to walk. But he's implied that he's in physical danger from me.

He's also suggested that I've committed extortion, illegal hacking, or other crimes — without citing a single real-life incident remotely similar to any of these bizarre and colorful fantasies.

Additionally, James Kiraly seems to be claiming that I phoned a particular volunteer group and a particular church to talk about the abuse that he committed — but he tries hard not to say this explicitly because it isn't true. There are even claims that I've accused my brothers of committing abuse themselves — again without a single real-life incident being cited.

Kenneth Kiraly, Kindle architect and Thomas Kiraly, Humana Vice President

And James Kiraly has focused intently from the start on consensual interaction with third parties.

The last part is quite clear. My abuser has, through his attorney, demanded $5,000 per phone call made by me to third parties not connected with the situation, possibly including $5,000 per phone call to newspapers and television stations. The demands are confusing and unclear but this is the impression that is given.

James Kiraly's attorney has also demanded the takedown of lawful and apropriate website content. I've been told that my abuser will seek to use the simple fact that this weblog exists against me as he has little choice.

Essentially, to the extent James Kiraly has said anything specific at all in the Kiraly Cases, every major assertion against me is either a misrepresentation or an actual lie and prosecutable perjury. This weblog, including this post, may be the bulk of what Michael Bonetto is hoping to fall back on.

Note: If you'd like to read some of my abuser's past demands related to third parties, including content takedown demands, click here.

As a related point, Michael Bonetto has tried to get the document in question taken down. Michael was desperate enough to obscure James's motives that, it seems, he may have misrepresented the law. For more information about that, click here. Therefore, you're encouraged to review the document while this is possible.

The situation has gone on for months. Legal and medical bills have skyrocketed. My abuser is wealthy. I am not. My abuser waits, confident that in the end his bankbook will make the difference.

If this is possible, I don't understand, at an emotional level, how it is possible.

A rough spot on Monday 121231 came when I talked with Phenek about what it might mean to be homeless.

Phenek told me that he planned to give his child a gift, a toy seal that he'd loved as a baby. I told him that I'd saved a toy from infancy myself. Grace Kiraly, a woman who I gather supports my abuser's legal actions, would most likely know which toy it is.

But my abuser, James Kiraly, is attempting to bankrupt me as well as silence me. James can't do the latter. Ironically, he insists on pushing things further into the open. One of the strangest parts.

Regardless of Long Cause, in the end, I believe that thousands of people, encompassing advocacy groups, lawmakers, social workers, religious groups, and others interested in the welfare of society may know the odd story of the abuser and perjurer who pulled out all the stops. If this leads to CLETS reform, or to better lives for kids, or to added resources for women who are trapped in controlling or abusive relationships, all of this will have had some meaning.

However, James can certainly bankrupt me.

Due to various developments over the past few months, I no longer consider it likely that I'll end up homeless. However, James Kiraly's actions were not especially helpful to an unemployed autistic engineer with relatively few business contacts, a deformed hand, intermittent mobility problems, screaming level pain, and shock-like symptoms following the consumption of food.

Presently, I expect that I may need to leave Silicon Valley. Pismo Beach is one possible destination; I'd be able to interview potential Kiraly Cases torts specialists face to face there. And Grace Kiraly has urged me for over a decade to move to the area. Regardless of the destination, though, homeless remains a possibility.

I started worrying about my bookcases earlier this year. What I'd do about them when the time came to give up my apartment. But now the full impact of what James Kiraly is doing to me is hitting home.

To be more precise, what this person is doing to me on top of the things that he did in the past.

It was decades before I stopped dreaming of James Kiraly. Fortunately, the dreams have not returned. Probably because James's hold over me is broken. I haven't been afraid of him since the day he went to the Pismo Beach police. Immediately after I asked my parents to speak with me regarding my book.

On that day I realized that James Kiraly was not somebody to be respected or feared. But when is it enough? When does somebody like this stop?

This will sound silly. But if I end up homeless, what will happen to the toy? Nobody will want it in its current condition.

Phenek and I discussed my feelings briefly. Then we changed the subject abruptly.

130101.5. I'm writing this line at 1:00pm on New Year's Day. I haven't slept for 27 hours. Therefore excuse any lack of polish though the following posts seem readable.

I stayed up late on Saturday night 121229 writing the Random Farewell at this link. Actually, I didn't get to sleep until 8:00am on Sunday morning 121230.

This was an example of the Night-Owl variety of Flow that Swizec has written about. Note: He's made the point that the processes of coding and writing work differently for some people. However, I believe we're in agreement that both processes can involve Flow.

As of Tuesday, Random hasn't read the post, but the Random Farewell allowed me to say some things I needed to say.

The gist of it was that I started this blog after James Kiraly filed legal actions to stop my work on a book and to prevent me from talking to third parties. Not before but after. I had no interest in issuing a “cry to the world” of the type that Random has talked about. But my abuser forced me out of the quiet corner where I've spent half a century.

I slept from about 8:00am to 1:00pm Sunday. The next 48 hours were interesting.

I lost interest in drinking water for a few days but I remained hydrated by drinking cola and fake orange juice.

I had't eaten since Saturday 121229 and I didn't expect to do so for another day or two. But I decided to eat on Tuesday afternoon. So as of 6:00pm I've been awake 32 hours but my breathing has shifted. I'll be asleep soon, I think.

I feel all right physically in general and I'm walking fine again. On the other hand, Iohannes's staff say that I look thin. I don't see that at all when I look in the mirror but perhaps I'm missing something.

It's been cold. I've been more cold than seems usual. But I've added more clothes.

I think that I may have slept from 11:30pm Sunday 121230 to 10:00am Monday 121231.

Emotionally, I believe I may have been distressed on Sunday. It's not clear. Monday, New Year's Eve, was O.K. I spent most of a 24-hour period in IRC. More people than usual seemed to need help. So I stayed busy. This was good.

When the clock passed midnight and the old year ended, I was in the middle of answering a question. I don't think I'd have wanted it any other way.

130101.6. If you'd like a bird's-eye view of IRC, here's a few examples of IRC discussions from the past few days:

1. Taught Blue Dream more about the operation of a VPS. Note for engineers: To do this, I connected to Blue Dream's VPS via ssh, started a screen session, and had him do screen -x to join my session. We were then on a shared text-mode screen. I had Mr. Meow teach him some nano and I added basic CLI.

2. Did something similar with B4. In his case, he wanted to build a Linux kernel.

3. A college student told me he'd been placed on a neurotransmitter reuptake inhibitor. We discussed some related technical issues.

4. Kappelin was confused by my Random Farewell post. He saw the part where Random complained “my website is *&**%% up, my website is *&**%% up!!!” and assumed that Random was B4, who sometimes talks like that. I explained that Random is a real-life associate. The one who lives near Kappelin himself, actually. Or was an associate. I gather that it's past tense now.

5. Reviewed a proposed application framework that one startuper is working on. The framework's design hadn't changed much since the last time I'd looked at it so I didn't have much to add.

6. Phenek and I discussed food, business, LinkedIn, firework displays in Finland and Russia, and other issues.

7. Kappelin and I discussed ways to proxy irssi.

8. Teco and I discussed a useful software component that he'd written for Minetest.

9. Helped Mr. Meow install MySQL and phpmyadmin on his current VPS. Note for engineers: This was another screen -x teaching session. We simply followed the MySQL part of my Debian LEMP setup procedure. For more information, click here.

10. Discussed the art of writing with a recently published author.

11. Helped out somebody who's probably one of the Chaos alters. Repeatedly. This one is friendly but is also demanding to the point of parody.

12. Mediated a disagreement between two kids.

121229.1. I'll be busy with several things in January 2013. Most importantly, the Kiraly Cases and work on unrelated business projects. But some Minetest changes will proceed as well.

On Saturday, I set aside some time to catch up with Minetest. Here are the latest issues and changes.

1. The current Europe Minetest world is down. I'll need to speak with the host. If he can't be reached, the world will return at a new location. Some work will be lost but most buildings should be intact.

2. Minetest now has a Minebest branch at GitHub. To access the Minebest repos, use this link.

3. Conflict131 requested a doggie avatar for his sister. The new avatar has been installed. On a related note, people may select either 2D or 3D avatars on the fly now.

4. Conifers by Vanessa have been added. Additionally, the Vanessa world has been updated again.

5. Half of the Server Nexus worlds are now connected directly to IRC. Presently, each world has its own IRC channel. Chat in the virtual worlds goes to IRC and vice versa.

6. There is a new virtual world: Mark Twain on minetest.org port 30010. For now, this world is a demo. Interact may be granted in the future.

7. Sapier1's animals are now being tested in the Octuteam world. I asked Sapier1 to prepare a stable snapshot of his mod and he was willing to do so. The changes were appreciated.

   For animal screenshots, see below. These screenshots are by Teco. They show a chicken, a gull, and a sheep. The sheep's face needs some work; I may take care of that myself at some point.

121229.2. This post is here to address a particular point. Why was this blog created?

It's also a farewell to Random.

I can't pretend that I've been useful to Random over the decades. But I've tried to meet my obligations. I did what I could for him. More than anybody did for me.

Here's the thing, though. I'm done with taking responsibility for issues that aren't mine.

For most of my life, I allowed people to assign a role to me. I was a wastebasket that they could deposit their responsibilities in. Or their guilt. Or, to put it another way, I was an object or a tool to use.

For half a century, it was simple. I was supposed to do what people wanted and be silent.

No more, I think.

My abuser, James Kiraly of Pismo Beach, has learned that much. Regardless of the outcome of Long Cause, his hold over me is broken. I'm going to talk about what happened.

And, actually, I'm not going to stop. What James has done in his fits of obsession and rage has freed me. In a way, I'm flying now.

I'm flying. And I'm not Icarus. The truth isn't wax to be melted by the Sun. The truth is that which Christ Himself respects.

As I understand it, James demanded recently that I pay $5,000 per person that I talk to. I laughed in his attorney's face. His attorney, Michael Bonetto of Hoge Fenton, wasn't pleased about that. But whether or not my abuser wins CLETS I'll be amused still about the “talking” part.

Because broad prior restraint on consensual interaction isn't actually going to hold. I can and I will talk to child abuse organizations, newspapers, television stations, county medical officials, law enforcement, advocacy groups of different types, and the general public.

And churches, of course. I've learned that not all Christians are like James and Grace Kiraly. Some are quite different.

I'll pause to thank Iohannes, Nancy the Physicist, Tactician, the Masked Lua, and a number of others for this realization. Note: Nancy the Physicist is a different Nancy from Nancy Meyer. I've known a number of Nancys in my life and cared about several of them.

Which reminds me. There's a third Nancy I haven't talked to in some time. She may not see this for years. But, Nancy the Third, I've always missed you. We crossed paths by chance a few years ago. I was astonished. I doubt you recognized me but you hadn't aged a day.

Moving on, Random is aware of the Kiraly Cases. He does not hold a high opinion of James. He has shown me sympathy. I care about him. And I think I understand what's happening in his household. But I can't help him at this time.

I've been sharp with Random for a simple reason. I've spent decades trying to meet my obligations to him. Whether or not I've failed, I've tried to be there for him. I've felt that he could at least talk to me. But he's been out of communication for weeks at a time.

It isn't like Twisted Time's situation. By now some of you know that story. Random, for his part, spends time at the computer most days. He isn't, as we say in IRC, AFK.

So on Saturday I made the following remark, which I regret:

<OldCoder> Only 4 days this time. Gee the distant journey of like four inches to the Enter key... I hope it didn't wear you out

Random responded with a request. It went to the heart of my life.

<Random> how about solving a real problem... my website is *&**%% up, my website is *&**%% up!!!
<Random> if you help me fix it, i promise i'll visit you every day for the next month... even if i have nothing to say

I'll quote part of what followed. I doubt Random will see this. If he does, the point isn't to argue. It's to express sadness. And to respond to an important point.

<OldCoder> What a steal of a real deal
<OldCoder> You offer a price
<OldCoder> For something nice
<Random> i'd throw in some beer, but i understand you're not drinking at the present time

<OldCoder> Do you have any idea how you have just come across?
<OldCoder> It is a fair question
<Random> probably like a fool judging from your tone
* OldCoder has no comment

The discussion didn't go well after that. Part of the issue was that Random was an IRC newbie. I don't recommend that people talk to real-life associates in IRC until the associates learn the basics.

As an example, recently, Random wanted a Freenode cloak. He assumed that I could give him one myself. When I tried to explain that it doesn't work like that, he assumed that I was withholding the cloak for unspecified reasons and he left, quite angry.

On Saturday, Random waited in an IRC channel for me for hours and was furious that I didn't show up. But I had no idea that he was there.

Here's the part that's important, though:

<Random> i don't create websites and cry to the world about what happened to me ... years ago.

I lived with what happened. For decades. I didn't “cry” about it to anybody. Not in public or private until recent years.

I kept my life as quiet as possible. I stayed out of search engines, under my actual name, from the dawn of the Web to 2012. I even started to use an Anglicized name so as to dissociate myself from the past. From my family. And my father.

James Francis Kiraly. I can say his name now. The name of a man who terrorized a child for over a decade. And I can say my name. After decades I have a name.

More than one. I am Robert Crowley. Robert James Kiraly. OldCoder. And BoldCoder. I have names again. And I have a voice.

This blog was created due to legal assaults by James Kiraly, my abuser, aided by Thomas Kiraly and Kenneth Kiraly, my brothers, those assaults coming because James thought that I'd write a book about the things that happened. Even though the book was to be something different.

This blog serves multiple purposes. The purposes may be discussed at length, later on, as Michael Bonetto of Hoge Fenton has tried to take down these sites and, I'm told, may seek to use their very existence as retroactive justification for his abuse of process and actual prosecutable crimes that he may be involved in.

But, for now, I'll emphasize: This blog did not go up until months after the legal assaults by my abuser started.

The purposes that this blog serves do include communication with the public about how “good” people like the Kiralys can end up doing bad things or helping to cover them up. However, I prefer to think of the parts about my feelings as reflection as opposed to crying.

Random made an additional point that I'll comment on publicly. It's connected to how I view online friends. This part is quoted respectfully and with no intent to argue with Random.

<Random> i understand that as human beings we experience “bad days” when we don't wanna tolerate anyone or anything. judging from your blog, you have experienced such days this week and many weeks past. that's fine.

however, i can just feel with every bone in my body beyond a doubt that you wouldn't dream of greeting Phenek or Tactician or Kappelin or Twisted Time with a “what?” when THEY sign on to IRC, would you?

did these people agree to let you live with them or talk about buying you a house to live in the way I did. you don't seem to have a problem working for 3 days on a “minor network tool” for good old Kappelin yet you freak out on me for humorously suggesting you fix a dinky problem that would probably take 10 minutes of your time.

i wouldn't care if you treated those folks the same way you treat me, but tonight it has become obvious there's a double standard wider than a couple Grand Canyons. I came here today to say hello to you because I cared.

First, I'll pause to let my engineer friends chuckle at the remark about a “dinky problem that would probably take 10 minutes of your time”. If you have people that ask you for website favors, how many times have you heard that before? :-)

That's not important.

Nor is the fact that Random was never going to buy me a house. But I tried to help regardless.

As a note to Kappelin and Mr. Meow, this is the person who lives near Kappelin and Bacon Bits in the real world.

The heart of this part, the part I can address, is about expectations. Expectations of how one should be treated. Expectations about how one should treat others.

I've learned how to deal better with people in recent years. In June, I explained this to somebody who threatened my life, the one who spoke of how Amazon Corporation was going to hurt me. I've wondered how much that person, whose name I believe I know, understood at the time. Or how much he has come to understand.

I'm far from perfect. Let's be clear about that.

But, that said, I'm honest. I tell the truth. I try to help people. And I care about them. Even Chaos seems to understand this.

There's also the minor parts about going into shock when one eats, having a deformed hand, losing 65 lbs, being unemployed, money running out due to legal attacks by one's abuser, medical bills and lost jobs related to the same legal attacks, facing up to autism after a lifetime, realizing that one might actually end up homeless, and other issues of a less than entirely humorous nature.

I do what I can under the circumstances.

Thinking about it, patience matters. It's important on all sides. I owe people assistance. But I don't owe them patience unless they earn it. By being patient.

If somebody is impatient, I'm going to show them the door. That includes Random.

I owe patience to some of my online friends, whether they're around just briefly or for the long term, because some of them have shown me patience.

Some of them are around just briefly, by the way. I value them all the more for that.

For what it's worth, Twisted Time is a real-life friend. And he is not well. Random would be ashamed of his remarks if he knew the story.

As far as Tactician and Kappelin go, they've been here. While they're here, they've decided to view me as real. Not as an screwdriver to be taken out of the closet when a website needs to be tightened up.

And I've spoken bluntly to them at times. I ordered Tactician to drop a subject dear to his heart just yesterday. He was pressing for a website that I won't have time to think about for a while. Both of them have shown me patience regardless.

And Phenek... I wouldn't speak to people who think as he does with less than gratitude. If Christ manifests Himself, it is through people such as this.

The real Christ and not the cardboard cutout Christ that Grace Kiraly waves about as a shield against the truth. The truth of her life. And mine.

I'll speak no more of Random. Or with him. It is my hope that this post is useful to people in general.

121229.3. In life, seek out people who are interested in what is real. Not in rigid assumptions. People who can change based on what they learn. The others... let them go. Friends or family. Or lovers. If they aren't interested in what is real, they'll only hurt you in the end.

One or two people will know that this part is for them. It's for the kids as well. This is part of the little that I possess and that I can pass on. Care about those who are able to care. The others are like the Kiralys. They're not much fun.

Don't waste your life on people like this. Those who are self-centered and self-righteous. They are this way because they can't see facts. Therefore they can't see themselves. When they look in the mirror, they see a fantasy.

121229.4. Slept 2:00am to 11:10am Saturday.

I ate on Saturday. This was the second meal this week. It was probably a mistake to eat. But it would have been a mistake as well not to eat. Prior to eating I found that I was having difficulty sitting up.

I caught up a bit with different projects throughout the day. Ended up working until about 7:30am Sunday.

121228.1. The card below is for Phenek and his wife. The artwork is a Creative Commons piece called Embassy of Babies. For English speakers, the poem translates as follows:

121228.2. Slept 12:00 midnight Thursday night to 10:15am Friday morning.

Sometimes when I rest it isn't due to normal tired. Thursday night was like that.

On Friday, I realized that I was still overloaded. Not able to cope with new issues at first. I was able to proceed productively. I made an attempt to triage and that helped.

Let's see how the day worked out:

• I returned to database issues that are of interest to Phenek and myself.

• Tactician wanted to discuss the future of the new business channel. We talked about that for a while. I mentioned that Rubidiun was gone. I suspect that Tactician may try to find my friend.

• I'd thought I was done with the Kiraly Cases for the year. But I ended up spending much of the afternoon on related issues.

• I helped Blue Dream set up a new VPS. We've moved him from a conventional webhost to his own server framework. After he left for the day, I tweaked his site a bit. Added a new background image, fixed PHP5 syntax errors, repaired broken links, etc.

• I didn't have much time to spend on Minetest today. However, the current Europe world went down and I tried to deal with that issue.

• Later in the day, I talked with Kappelin, Mr. Meow, the Masked Lua, and others about different things. This was good. Something that I needed.

Not an ideal day. But it could have been worse.

I didn't go outside. I don't think I'll go outside again this year unless there's a New Years Eve event of some sort that's worth visiting.

121227.1. There was a poll recently related to “respected community members”. It appears that a fair number of people listed me.

I'd like to say thank you. I've been tired but I don't expect it to last. A few projects that I've mentioned are moving forward.

Special thanks to Teco, who said: “OldCoder has been a nice friend, and is always willing to help by testing mods, and things unrelated to Minetest.”

And to Fragile Equality, who added: “as a person i like Oldcoder because he is a robot” :D

121227.2. The photo below is of my current wheelchair. It's a compact model.

I didn't need the wheelchair much in late 2012. But my mobility was impaired on Thursday afternoon. Pain and swelling in one foot. This has happened off and on since around 2001. Same issue that's affected my hands a bit.

As a technical note, Twisted Time and I fell ill at about the same time, give or take a year. To be clear, though, for those who have asked, there is no connection.

It didn't go further than limping during the day. So I made it down to Santa Clara for a meal and back. However, as of Thursday night, I can't quite walk. So I'll probably stay indoors on Friday.

Grace Kiraly believes that the pain and swelling are due to the same causes as the “shock” issue: insufficient prayer, a willful refusal to “take responsibility”, and the consumption of beer.

If only, the woman who bore me believes, Robert would pray, “take responsibility”, and not drink beer, Christ would smile and all would be well. This benighted lost soul, this black sheep who has somehow done wrong though nobody can say what it is, this troublesome fact would be saved.

There are some problems with Grace Kiraly's sharp and incisive reasoning. The flaws in my mother's logic are so slight that they are almost imperceptible. But they are there regardless.

• Grace Kiraly, servant of God, does not comprehend the meaning of John 14:6. I feel she is hardly equipped to comment on God or on matters pertaining to Him.

• Grace Kiraly has never said what it is that I am to “take responsibility” for.

  This is how you identify the delusional and the mentally ill. Ask them to explain the facts behind what they are saying. It is diverting to watch their eyes glaze over as they mumble that something is so because it must be so.

• I've had no alcohol since I learned in June 2012 of the legal actions that Grace's husband had taken against my book. I still go to one favorite bar but it is to drink diet colas.

At any rate, I'm left tonight with the “shock” I've talked about, which is manifesting as exhaustion and rapid breathing, the inability to walk, and the possibility that I'm headed back to the wheelchair.

Oh, if only my hardened heart would permit me to “take responsibility”. Surely this is the heart of the situation.

121227.3. The Masked Lua has a unique voice. I try to encourage him and others who have depth.

Tonight, the Masked Lua said:

I'm at a loss, I don't know anything helpful for this :-(

Does it go quicker than it comes, to know you would be doing well soon would be good as well. Things need to get better for all, me, you, others. For everyone to have something that is causing them to suffer is not good.

The sad part is most of these things I see, I have no idea on how to improve all situations or all things, I can improve computers... But I don't see many ways to make good realizable for people.

Thoughts, hard to put in words. Sometimes I think that those who are ignorant to all things are most happy... they don't know and are oblivious to all the “not goods” of life. Like a baby is ignorant.

But we should do all to make the good possible, even though we are more likely to fail. Or we will spend most of our time outside of that good.

121227.4. Two Winter photos from Phenek. Posted with permission. The first photo shows a hand-made Christmas ornament. The second is of a day when there was a light snowfall.

Light for Finland :P

121227.5. Island offers a Winter photo from Vermont as a response to Phenek's Finland snow car photo. Posted with permission.