The current free ebook is located at this link:
http://haggishell.com/ridgeproject.pdf

For details about the ebook, click here.

130615. A video that I received on Saturday. Higgins is a Practical Cat. If he's thirsty, a little extra water won't hurt.

To play this video, you'll need a fast Internet connection and a modern Web browser or Flash:

130615. The poster below is a fun project by Mr. Meow and Kappelin. Mr. Meow assembled a version of Internet Explorer that actually had all of the toolbars shown here.

Kappelin started with a screenshot provided by Mr. Meow and used Photoshop to create a “demotivational” poster. “Demotivational” posters are parodies of the upbeat posters that were popular when I was Mr. Meow's age. The poster on the right resembles the ones that I remember.

130615. I've been in excruciating pain recently. Not today. It hurts but the pain is manageable.

No, I don't have medical care yet. It's been ten years since I qualified. And, no, contrary to what some people believe, medical care isn't free in America.

An acquaintaince who has Lupus thinks that the issue I've dealt with since around 2000 may be the same thing. This seems unlikely but it can't be ruled out.

There's a photo below of one of my little fingers. This is the part that hurts presently. The lower half is swollen to about twice normal volume. A photo of the other little finger is included for comparison purposes.

There are some thoughts below the photos.

Some of the other fingers are permanently deformed. I'd planned to get them repaired. But legal fees took the money for the surgeon etc.

I'm sure people are bored of reading that. But, look, you try staring at a deformed hand every day that could have been fixed and see how you feel about it :-)

The swelling is minor today. In 2012, the entire hand was swollen at one point to several times normal volume.

Sandy Kerechanko, this was the case on one of the days you and I discussed your greeting card business. Also on the one of the days you didn't take my call.

Grace Kiraly, my Mother, saw my hand in early 2012. She'd come to visit me unannounced and without permission. Grace wrote off the issue as something that was probably connected in some unspecified way to lack of prayer and inadequate Vitamin C. Prayer and Vitamin C were this woman's answers to most problems that she encountered throughout her life.

The visit came long after calls that I made to Grace in 2011 which Jim Kiraly, my Father, and Tom Kiraly, my Brother, subsequently characterized as harassment. The fact is that both Jim and Tom lied. Grace's visit proves it.

The relevant part, though, is that it wasn't enough for me to be unwell. To be in a wheelchair. From the perspective of my family, the Kiralys, the fact I was unwell meant there must be something wrong with me morally or spiritually.

That is how people of this type reason.

I'd always stayed in contact with my parents. They lied about that. In fact, they'd often asked me to call them. As evidence of this, click here to enjoy the Birthday Card that Grace Kiraly sent me in 2006.

Grace Kiraly, Mother, Christ Follower, and Liar.

In 2011, I started to ask questions about the past. Discussions went well enough until I asked for help with my book. James threatened me with the police in the next conversation. And went to the police on the next business day. It was idiotic on his part. I never intended to go public in the way that my parents feared so much. It was their decision.

LittleCoder didn't understand the word “ironic” but I do. This situation is “ironic”.

If one looks back, every step of the way since Thanksgiving 2011, I've done nothing but respond to threats and legal attacks by my abuser. He didn't understand that I wasn't that boy any longer.

Let's demonstrate the last point: James Kiraly is my abuser. It's out in the open. I'm not going to hide under the blankets again.

Going public was for the best after all. It feels odd to be open about things. It also feels right. I was so silent for all the years... no more. The Boy Who Writes won't be sent away this time. He's here to stay.

Moving on, my decision to proceed with the book was triggered partly by Paul's suicide. And partly by the fact I was in serious pain. But the Kiralys, Godly People that they are, worked backwards from desired conclusions.

The police laughed at James Kiraly. So he had to find some way to position or frame things.

My attorney and I disagreed about whether or not James believed the story that he eventually settled on. I was told that James must have known that he was lying. I'm not so sure. There is a mental illness that people like James are prone to. I'll write about it in my second Father's Day post.

At any rate, I never asked any of these people for money for medical care. Or for money for anything. When the woman who bore me, Grace Kiraly, asked me in 2011 if I wanted money, I told her no bluntly.

I added that a reference from Ken to help with a job search would be nice. I'd sacrificed a bit for him. More than a bit, actually. But Grace declined to pass a message along.

That type of thing should have warned me. But I was foolish. I thought that suffering had made me wise. I hadn't learned the nature of evil. So it came as a shock when James Kiraly accused me in legal actions of demanding money for medical care or I'd accuse my Brothers Tom and Ken of abusing their children.

This was in addition to accusations that I'd hacked my Father, hacked my Brothers, hacked Amazon, hacked Humana, etc.

Not to mention the accusation that I'd offered to give Tom Kiraly the books of religious poetry that our Grandfather Ivan Kmeta had written. Oh, wait, I did do that. I'm still scratching my head over that one, Michael Bonetto.

Here's a Father's Day thought. I've said it before and I'll say it again. When my Father James meets Christ, Christ will try to be polite. But the pus that is in James's soul will leak out. Christ will retch and His vomit is likely to wash James away. Or to scrub away the pus.

If there is anything left of my Father after that, perhaps he will be useful in the Afterlife. Maybe even introspective and kind.

Dream on, OldCoder. If Christ is there, He is the Word. The Word is the Truth. And the Truth can't abide Lies.

130615. This is a letter to somebody I'm discussing things with.

1. Introduction.

Last week, you discussed your experiences. Let's see if they dovetail with mine. I continue to believe that this is central to the issue of abuse.

2. Analog and not digital.

You said, “Try not to fall prey to some fallacy, like the fallacy that people are consistent. People definitely repeat patterns over and over, and each person surely has tendencies that can tell you what they will do most of the time, but the type of consistency you might require when programming an application so that it will not crash due to its own inconsistencies is not, in my opinion, to be found in people”.

Fair enough. I'm not stating that minds follow iron-clad rules. We're analog and not digital. But I do know how abuse happens. I'll restate it below.

3. Auschwitz Birkenau and Treblinka.

This discussion isn't a minor intellectual exercise. Racial discrimination, religious intolerance, abuse, and hatred in general; it's all part of the same thing.

You'd be bored if I spoke of the destruction that the Kiralys caused. How much damage was done. But more has come out of the legal cases than this. My future is forfeit but I'm able to speak knowledgeably about the nature of evil.

Evil is denial. And denial is what people do.

The Kiraly are full of hatred. Not for me as a person. They can't perceive me. They never could. They're animals who can't see colors. So last year they attacked me based on what they wanted to believe. The truth was broken into fragments.

The legal process wasn't designed to put it together. The process was there to generate income for the attorneys until it was time to end the game.

But I'll reassemble the fragments myself. The things that I told you about the scope of the effort are true.

The key issue presently is this: Are the Kiralys aberrations or do they demonstrate how abuse, or evil in general, actually works? I believe that it's the latter. And denial is the key.

If people know they're lying, as you assert, some of them lie to themselves and come to believe the lies. When this happens, there are no limits to what they'll do. This is how Auschwitz Birkenau and Treblinka were possible.

3. The Lady Dost Protest Too Much.

You said, “I am NOT certain whether people actually start to believe their own lies over time. It is a very interesting aspect of the nature of the people I have seen that they seem to argue the hardest when there is a lot of reason to think that they know they are wrong.”

You're referring to the classic point in Hamlet about the lady who “dost protest too much, methinks”. But not everybody tries to convince others of things. My Father Jim, to the best of my recollection, rarely cared about what others might think or feel. His sons, except ironically for me, inherited that from him.

My Mother Grace Kiraly was more in the mold that you cite. However, in Grace's case, I had the impression that she was attempting to convince herself of things. She wasn't trying to convince anybody else.

For a useful example, review the Court Declaration in which I quoted some of Grace's gems verbatim. To see a PDF version, click here.

Jim Kiraly chased me out of the house, enraged and bellowing. A large man chasing a terrified half-naked boy. The “Andy Griffith” show, it wasn't. Not “Happy Days” either. But what Grace had to say about it in recent years was this: “You had clothes on!”

This wasn't precisely a lie on her part, but I trust my point is clear. Ask yourself two questions. Who was it that Grace was trying to convince? And what was it that she was trying to convince them of?

The example that makes the point most clear is one that you and I haven't discussed. Another boy at school once put my hand in a door and slammed the door closed. The door was heavy. Crunch! The hand was crushed. The other boy laughed.

By the way, LittleCoder was a fool at times. Most of the time, actually. He just stood there and let this happen. Autistic kids sometimes do that.

After I decided to proceed with the book, I asked my Mother for details regarding the school door incident. Grace worked backwards as animals do based on patterns. She felt that if this incident had happened, it would make her look bad. As though a Mother can always be present to guard a child from harm.

Looking bad. The thought dwarfed all else. So, though I'd asked casually, my Mother become angry. She said the incident hadn't happened.

When I provided details, Grace admitted that she'd been mistaken. But she insisted that getting a hand crushed wasn't important. And that being unable to write for weeks had been little more than a minor inconvenience for me.

Here's the thing. Grace wasn't trying to convince me of anything. And there was no other audience. Who was she talking to? The answer is, herself.

Is my Mother the heartless b*tch that this anecdote suggests? No. Grace Kiraly thinks of herself as decent and sensible. An upright citizen. This is what she tries to be. But mental images, pretty pictures, are more important than reality.

So, Grace isn't a harpy. But she isn't sentient either. More importantly, this is how abuse is possible. Denial. Denial is how it works.

4. People do lie.

I don't think we're in disagreement. People do lie. To others, which you've observed. And to themselves. The second type of lie is what's behind the force you think of as “evil”.

Look at the parts of the Kiraly Cases where I was accused of demanding money for medical treatment. Or the parts where I was accused, if I remember correctly, of saying that Tom Kiraly and Ken Kiraly had committed sexual abuse.

Did the Kiralys try to argue that these things had actually happened? I don't believe so. In fact, specific accusations were never spelled out. I don't think the initial claims were even repeated after things started to move. The lies were simply implied, and that part was Michael's decision.

But Jim Kiraly actually believed some of this, didn't he? He was delusional. I've read about this kind of thing, of course, but it was astonishing to see it actually happen. My Father, mentally ill, out of control, and with the funds needed to do real damage.

What really happened, though? Were Jim's delusions due to senescence? Does my Father, senility diapers askew, befoul himself with excrement as he glares at the computer he's accused me of hacking, certain that I must be lurking somewhere in the shadows even now? Is the next step to accuse me of riding broomsticks in the night sky as my copilot Christ and I circle about, cackling with glee as we plan our next move?

No. Jim's mind is going the way that his Uncle John's mind went. In the end, there will be nothing left. But he came after me because he was working backwards. Something he's done all his life.

You've seen people lie consciously. I've seen others convince themselves that black is white and white is carrots.

Both things happen.

Both things happen to you and me as well as everybody else. It's interesting to realize that reality shifts for me too. Happens less to me. It's the neurological issue. Now, *that* issue is an example of a conscious lie on Jim's part.

These people were the ones who told me that I was different. There's no chance Michael didn't know the truth. But Michael's role is an issue for another time.

And there's my youngest brother Scott. Did you notice how Michael tiptoed around the fact that Scott existed? If I'd had the funds to put that brother on the stand, if we'd asked Scott a few questions, things might have gotten interesting.

So people do lie. Including Jim. But conscious lies are mixed with delusions.

5. Quick points.

You said, “I note that my observations are just that, my observations”. You added, “The truth stands on its own legs, even when only stated once, but a lie needs constant reinforcement to keep it from falling over and going splat”.

Your observations are useful. I'm talking with more than one person. And I'm learning from the process. But you're mistaken about the second point. The truth is buried quite often. People are often happier when it's gone.

What is it that people want to believe? What makes them more comfortable? This is what determines whether or not the truth can be buried.

6. Restating one thesis.

I've been saying something that most people know is true. But they don't acknowledge that it's an issue every day. Or how far it can go.

As a general rule, not absolute, facts don't matter to people if their beliefs or interests are involved. Facts don't matter to the extent that parts of the brain shut down. Brain studies appear to confirm this. People literally don't think at all at times. Instead, they work backwards.

Work backwards from what, though? The answer is perceptions based on patterns that were built into us long ago. The patterns are connected to packs and group dynamics.

When there's a jury trial, jurors often make a decision moments after they see the parties on both sides. You know that this is true. Tell me, what are those decisions based on? Do facts matter to these people?

Some people make decisions based on patterns and stimuli. Others try to think. There's no sharp division between the two groups. But I do see outliers. People who, for genetic or other reasons, don't think at all.

In fact, I grew up in a tribe of outliers. I don't know what the Hell to make of Ken at this point. He's probably dangerous but I suspect there's some cognitive activity in his skull. This isn't true of Jim Kiraly, Grace Kiraly, Tom Kiraly, and gentle Scott; the one they were afraid would murder Ken. These people are pure working-backwards. Beasts of the field.

Outliers are the reason that abuse is possible. Because they're the ones who decide that it is or isn't happening based on who the abuser is.

7. God.

You said, “An approach to solving this conflict is to try to gather more information. That brings me back to God. It makes perfect sense to ask God to help you figure things out. Sometimes he might let you see that your perception was incomplete or that your beliefs were in error.”

Fair enough, again. But the context isn't clear. These appear to be general statements.

130615. Skittles is a teenager who left High School recently and is trying to decide what to do next. There have been some complications.

John, this is the one that I told you and Tracie about. It seemed possible he'd go the same way that Paul did. But he says the fact I've managed to keep going, after what the Kiralys did, is an inspiration.

He won't give up again.

He'd like to get into webdev or possibly a startup but I've advised him that he needs a day job. There are some thoughts below that he offered the other day.

The part about doing what one “must”... I should ask him if he picked it up from me. I guess I've used the phrase a lot over the past year.

Skittles says:

June 14, 2013 Dear World, As I sit here, and contemplate the meaning of life, I believe I have found a reasonable answer to the question.

Imagine a world, where each human's mind was the only thing they had. Imagine that each person was on a machine that numbed all their senses, and blinded them from the outside world. They would have no concept of reality outside of their own mind.

I worked out what it would be like to only have a brain. Ultimately, the only reality you would know, and understand, is that of your own.

I began this not to find the meaning to life, but to figure out how we could make the human race better. I had the idea of putting the next generation in machines. If we could do this, the human race would be safe. Safe from themselves.

These machines would be self sustaining. We could find a way. Then the next idea comes in. If all we were, was humans without sense of the outside world, life would be meaningless. There would be no reason to exist. I thought more about what we could do.

These machines would give us access to a virtual reality. The simulation would not have to be as detailed as life on Earth, because if that is all we know, that is all we have. There is no reason to complain because we don't know what we are missing.

But we would shape this reality to be like Earth, because that is what we are meant to know and love. We could allow people to communicate, and come together like in real life. We would have to implement death because even on these machines, humans couldn't live forever. Once someone died, they wouldn't be able to control their virtual self.

We would still have emotions, because that is how our mind works. We would cause things to happen in this simulation, and it would effect us emotionally just as in real life. Ultimately, we would still wonder what the reason for existence is.

As time progressed, and as our virtual selves mastered their reality, they would do what we did. They would craft their own reality and put the next generation inside. This is the cycle.

The idea leads to something else. There could be another reality outside our own, and when we die in this one, it might mean we have died in that one. However, if we caused our death in this reality, the higher reality of ourselves would need to do something. The machines that they are on could craft another existence in this reality or even end the existence in that one to keep order.

It would go on forever in both directions. We can understand our reality but we will never understand the realities outside our own, if they exist. If we learn of them, though, religion will perish and will be replaced with truth.

As I came to these conclusions, I realized the meaning of life. This is the important part. Your existence is special. Not just to yourself, but to everyone around you, and everything else. You can remember the past and alter the future. You can change your outcome by doing what you must.

Things can get bad for you. Things can get very bad, or very good. As long as you understand that your existence in this reality is the most important thing in your life, never regret it. It is far better to exist, than to not. Your life is amazing, no matter how bad it may be. So now we come to the conclusion. The meaning of life is to live.

We can reword it, change it to fit the way we think, but in the end that is the truth which we cannot escape. Why are you here? To be here. To make a difference. To live.

Sincerely, Skittles

130613. Today started out as day #4 of a fast. I didn't eat anything after the weekend, when I had tree collards with DNA the attorney, until this morning.

Today was somebody's birthday
And there were cupcakes
See the photo below
For cupcakes a fast must breaks
And it isn't slow

130613. I made a simple Birthday Greetings image related to the birthday mentioned above; the birthday connected with cupcakes that ended my fast.

To do this, I used POV-Ray. The image is above and to the right. For those who are interested in 3D modeling, the associated source code is below. You may also download the code at this link.

// File: simple-birthday.pov
// Purpose: Simple POV-Ray Birthday Greeting
// Original author: Robert Kiraly (OldCoder)
// License:  MIT/X
// Revision: 130613

//--------------------------------------------------------------------
// Overview.

// This POV-Ray scene file  creates a simple  Birthday Greeting in PNG
// format.

// To use this file under Linux,  install "povray",  copy "timrom.ttf"
// from  the "povray" distribution into the same folder  as this file,
// go to the directory that contains the two files, and execute a com-
// mand similar to the following:
//
// povray simple-birthday.pov +W500 +H200 +Q10 +A0.2 +J

//--------------------------------------------------------------------
// Set up some definitions.

// Load the standard POV-Ray "shapes" "include" file.
//
#include "shapes.inc"

// Declare the texture to be used for the greetings text.
//
#declare TextTexture =
    texture {
        pigment { rgb <1.0, 0.9, 0.2> }
        finish {
            ambient   0.000
            diffuse   0.700
            specular  0.050
            roughness 0.002
            metallic
            reflection { 0.5 metallic }
        }
    }

//--------------------------------------------------------------------
// Set up background, camera, and plane.

background {
    rgb <1,1,1>
}

camera {
    right x*500/75
    location <0, 3, -12>
    look_at <0,0.3,0> angle 35
}

plane {
    y, -0.125
    pigment { rgb <.5059, .8667, 1> }
    finish { specular 1 reflection .3 }
}

//--------------------------------------------------------------------
// Add light sources.

light_source {
    <1, 4, 3>, <1,1,1>
    fade_distance 4 fade_power 2
    area_light x*8, y*8, 12,12 circular orient adaptive 1
}

light_source {
    <-3, 3, -3>, <1,0,0>
    fade_distance 4 fade_power 2
    area_light x*8, y*8, 12,12 circular orient adaptive 1
}

light_source {
    <0, 3, -3>, <0,1,0>
    fade_distance 4 fade_power 2
    area_light x*8, y*8, 12,12 circular orient adaptive 1
}

light_source {
    <3, 3, -3>, <0,0,1>
    fade_distance 4 fade_power 2
    area_light x*8, y*8, 12,12 circular orient adaptive 1
}

//--------------------------------------------------------------------
// Macro that generates one text line per invocation.

#macro Text_Line (string, yfactor)
    Center_Object (text {

        // Create text using specified TTF font file
        // The 1st numeric parameter controls thickness
        // The 2nd numeric parameter controls character spacing
        //
        ttf "timrom.ttf" string 0.9, 0.1*x

        // Set text texture
        texture { TextTexture }

        // The text is rolled 10 degrees backwards
        rotate <10,0,0>

        // Move text up or down based on yfactor
        // Positive values move text up
        // Negative values move text down
        //
        translate yfactor*y

        // Scale the text
        scale <0.8, 0.4, 0.5>
    }, x)
#end

//--------------------------------------------------------------------
// Add text lines to scene.

Text_Line ("Happy Birthday", +0.9)
Text_Line ("Jane Smith", -0.2)

130613. Phenek has sent a new Finland Macro Flower. At the Macro Flower you will not Glower. Note the details that are visible in the zoom below.

130613. I help people with PC or OS problems occasionally. Or try to help. It isn't always simple but here's a case where Linux rescued Windows data on the other side of the world. This particular call came late at night. Vibhishana is a recent college graduate in Sri Lanka.

<Vibhishana> OLDCODER HELP ME
<OldCoder> Vibhishana, k
<Vibhishana> my office have one hp machine yesterday.. i suddenly shutdown that machine.. today when i start it does not load OS. only win 07 logo appear nothing more display.. please help... it has more data on desktop...

<OldCoder> Boot Linux
<OldCoder> From a rescue DVD
<OldCoder> Mount the Windows partition and get the files transferred to a USB drive

<Vibhishana> OLDCODER WAIT WANNA UNDERSTAND
<OldCoder> Vibhishana, most Linux distros...
<OldCoder> come on DVDs that can be booted and run Linux without installing
<Vibhishana> OLDCODER GIVE ME A LINK
<OldCoder> These DVDs can access Windows
<OldCoder> What type of machine is it?
<OldCoder> 32 bit? 64 bit? AMD? Intel?
<Vibhishana> OK WAIT
<Vibhishana> I THINK 32BIT WITH INTEL CORE I 05 WINDOWS 07

<OldCoder> http://www.linuxmint.com/edition.php?id=133
<OldCoder> Try burning that to a DVD
<OldCoder> Compatible with the drive
<OldCoder> DVD-R or DVD+R
<OldCoder> Boot and don't press Install
<OldCoder> Instead press Run
<OldCoder> If it works you will get a desktop
<OldCoder> and should be able to mount Windows
<OldCoder> and to copy files to a USB drive
<OldCoder> Remember: Don't press Install. Instead look for a way to run the distro.

<OldCoder> You may need to change BIOS Setup on the laptop
<OldCoder> To ensure
<OldCoder> That the DVD boots before the hard disk
<Vibhishana> ITS DESKTOP
<OldCoder> Hmm?
<Vibhishana> I HAVE DVD_R SO I INSTALL THAT LINUX AND BURN IT NOW??

<Vibhishana> IT HAS LOT OF LINK
<OldCoder> They are the same
<OldCoder> http://mirror.learn.ac.lk/linuxmint/stable/15/linuxmint-15-mate-dvd-32bit.iso
<OldCoder> Try that one
<Vibhishana> OK I WILL DOWNLOAD THAT ONE...
<OldCoder> It is in Sri Lanka
<Vibhishana> OK OLDCODER

<OldCoder> Vibhishana, I will try to stay awake a little longer
<Vibhishana> OLDCODER OK NOW I AM DOWNLOADING

<CeilingCat> Vibhishana: caps lock is cruise control for cool ? ;)
<OldCoder> Heh
<OldCoder> CeilingCat, he is eager to rescue his data

<Vibhishana> yes downloaded now i am going to burn
<OldCoder> I must sleep soon
<Vibhishana> oldcoder i will come back after i burn

<Vibhishana> oldcoder i insert now linux mint
<Vibhishana> it is appearing linux mint logo
<OldCoder> Good
<OldCoder> Run Mint and not install
<OldCoder> You should be able to get to the Windows filesystem

<Vibhishana> oldcoder it has 3 option
<Vibhishana> 1. computer
<Vibhishana> 2. mint home
<Vibhishana> 3. install linux mint
<Vibhishana> which option will i select
* OldCoder snores
<Vibhishana> oldcoder dont goooooooooooooooooo

<OldCoder> What is being displayed?
<OldCoder> Is there a desktop?
<Vibhishana> but now i can go inside my computer
<OldCoder> Is there a desktop?
<OldCoder> Vibhishana I must sleep soon
<Vibhishana> oldcoder u rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr a gooooooooooooddddddddd
<Vibhishana> i mean a good and genious god

<OldCoder> Hmm?
<OldCoder> What has happened?
<OldCoder> Vibhishana answer I must sleep soon
<Vibhishana> now i can go to my computer i do only insert dvd
<OldCoder> But should rescue files
<OldCoder> Copy to USB device
<OldCoder> r u happy?
<Vibhishana> yes oldcoder i cant no word to thank u
* OldCoder is glad

<Vibhishana> have a good night oldcoder we will see tomorrow
<OldCoder> Back up your files. Use a USB device.
<OldCoder> Talk to you later
<OldCoder> Zzz
<Vibhishana> now i am transferring files
<OldCoder> Good
<OldCoder> c u
<Vibhishana> ok zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
<Vibhishana> c u later take care