The current free ebook is located at this link:
http://haggishell.com/ridgeproject.pdf

For details about the ebook, click here.

130519. Bending Roads offers a poem:

Everyone's born to compete as he chooses
But how can someone win if winning means that someone loses
I sit and see and wonder what it's like to be in touch
No wonder all my brothers and my sisters need a crutch

130518. For various reasons, most of my possessions and items of furniture are gone now. This includes many of the books. Even the Universal Anthology, a set that my Grandfather Ivan owned about a century ago.

The books were my most reliable friends for 40 years. I used to read them every night. They have been taken away. I must therefore find new friends now.

The bed went earlier this year. I've been sleeping on the floor in an empty room. It wasn't much of a loss, though. The bed broke over a decade ago. There were wires sticking out of it. They cut me as I slept. A scar remains from this. But it is normal to accumulate scars of different types over Time.

Recently, Gradient offered to loan me a bed. I accepted the offer, then decided to decline, and then he delivered it. It is a fine bed. This was kind of him and I appreciate it.

In life I have become a minimalist. But not that minimalist. A bed seems like the type of possession that it is normal to have.

130518. This is a personal letter that I sent today to a friend who's a writer and a developer.

Dear Pillar,

I write a lot these days. My thoughts say that they're eager to travel. So I send them out into the world and perhaps they'll find new homes.

As you're a writer yourself, despite the fork in the road that you face, the legal cases I mentioned previously may be of interest. They were about a book that I'd started to write after exactly 40 years.

1. OAK TREE. You said:

Q: When is the best time to plant an oak tree?
A: Fifty years ago
Q: When is the second best time to plant an oak tree?
A: Today

Yes. I'm passing this on to others.

2. GROUP DYNAMICS. You said, “What's your take on group dynamics? This is an area that interests me more and more.”

They're based on evolutionary factors. Review the book “Lucifer Principle” by Howard Bloom. The book is flawed but it makes some interesting points.

One important issue (my thoughts and not those of the book) is that people don't reason much. They tend to work backwards from what they'd like to believe. This includes working backwards about other people. Who should one associate with or trust? The decision is made based on factors that have little to do with what we were taught as children. And once the decision is made, facts are shaped to support the decision.

3. LEGAL CASES. You said, “Having family members bring legal cases against you sounds like some real heavy weather!”

There are positives. This last part of my life, as things draw to a close, may be worthwhile. I didn't have much fun after 1964. Or produce much of lasting value. But I'm working on changes.

The negative side has been tiring. There has been some stress; more, I think, than people are designed to be able to handle. The individuals on the other side of the legal cases, the Kiraly Family, were wealthy. They poured funds into a remarkable effort that a reasonable person might characterize as insane.

I plan to spend the next decade making the details of the legal cases public. I'm communicating with anti-abuse groups, churches, lawmakers, medical professionals, and news media; both old media and new. The goal is to change society. The best way to deal with what happened to me is to ensure that it can't happen to others in the future.

This is about abuse. In America, a wealthy abuser can exploit holes in the legal system to stop a book by his victim. In this situation, the abuser was my Father James. The legal actions were intended to stop research for a book I'd planned since 1971. They were said to be about barring me from contacting family members. But these people didn't even ask me not to call them before they filed Court papers.

The events leading up to Court actions will be added to the book. Here is one incident. As a potential reader, tell me if this is interesting or not.

My Mother Grace gave me permission to interview the Pastor of her Church. The Pastor and I spoke about the nature of a Christ Follower and the responsibilities of a Christian in the temporal world. When my Father James learned of this discussion, he assumed that I'd contacted the Pastor to rant about past abuse. Based on things that James said subsequently, it's my impression that he was unhappy about the interview. In fact, I gather that he was livid.

There is more to it. But the point of the legal actions was to make interviews of this type impossible. In theory, prior restraint is not possible here in the States. In practice, it is about how things are positioned. And that is determined primarily by money.

James is a wealthy former corporate vice president; one of the heads of Transamerica Corporation. If you've seen the Pyramid in San Francisco on postcards, he used to work at the top near the pointy part. He was backed by two of my brothers; Kenneth, the inventor of the Amazon Kindle, and Thomas, a vice president of Humana Corporation. I myself was an unemployed autistic coder without resources and in a wheelchair at the time.

So, money versus the truth. Which side would win the battle? Parts of the story that followed are so odd that they'd make good Monty Python sketches.

If people look at the Court papers, which I plan to post online, they will see numerous allegations. Page after page of text with a dramatic tone but nothing specific is said. That is the interesting part. There is a hole in the legal system here which allows wealthy parties to initiate Court actions without specific accusations.

The legal cases were destructive but comical as well. Monty Python is a reasonable comparison. It's my impression that Opposing Counsel, whose name is Michael, eventually realized that he'd stepped in a pile of horse manure. I'll never know for sure, though, unless he agrees to be interviewed for my book.

As a side note, today may be James's birthday. I'm not sure. I imagine him sailing off on a cruise to celebrate the damage that he has done. But the celebration will be muted. In the end, which came this month, I gained the protections that I sought for my projects and they will proceed.

On the positive side, I've lost 75 pounds (weight as opposed to U.K. currency). I'm writing a great deal; stories, reflections, poetry, and songs. The side of me that writes went away 40 years ago but he has returned at last. People seem to find me kinder. I've been making more friends. Some have called me “wise”; it's nonsense but a reflection of the changes. And I've accepted the fact that I'm different neurologically and I no longer hide the fact.

4. WRITING IN GENERAL.

I said, “Writing serves multiple purposes. It can entertain, instruct, and promote change.”

You said, “I'm not as sure of this as I formerly was. It can entertain, yes, but I'm not sure it can really bring about change. I'm pessimistic about both change, and the possibility of real communication between human beings. Everyone claims we live in an age of communication, but I don't see so much of it really going on. People confuse a transport mechanism with the whole of communication.”

The key point that you make here is valid. The arrival of the Internet, and now mobile devices that connect us in more ways than ever before, does not change what we are at the core. We are pattern seekers that do not reason. But there is no need to surrender the struggle.

“I, a stranger and afraid
in a World I never made.”

This is not my world. I was born without the neurotransmitters whose role is to moderate the perception of reality. The compounds that replace fact with fiction. It is difficult for me to be here. But I have decided to continue and I believe that my writing may do some good.

If I can write, in the hope of promoting change, perhaps you can do so as well. Besides, you show promise as a writer and promises should be kept.

You said, “I've been startled at the way people mis- (and mal-) interpret some of the things I've written. There is always a dominant ideology (or more often two dominant ideologies acting in opposition to each other), and you can either write in support of that, in which case you will be understood but you're not really contributing anything, you're just preaching to the choir, or you can try and express a different opinion, but then you'll probably be radically misunderstood because people can only understand things through the prism of the culture of which they are a part.”

I have some experience with this. Actually, the issue has defined my life. But after decades I am starting to see how both communication and change may be possible.

5. AUTISM.

You said, “I don't really think I am autistic, though sometimes I do wonder about some things. I was more commenting on the human inclination to self-diagnose ourselves as having everything and anything (at least, I hope it's a human inclination, maybe it's just me?) Whenever one hears a condition described, there's always a few things one can tick off and say 'Hey, I have/do that!'. But then, this is probably a positive behavior in a way, because it illustrates the commonality of human experience, that we aren't divided into people who are 'this and not this', but rather that we are all somewhere on a spectrum or landscape of experience. Okay, I'm rambling a bit now, I often struggle to express what I mean.”

Different people approach self-analysis differently. But it is not unusual to wonder where one fits into the scheme of things. As far as expression goes, it gets easier with practice.

You added some remarks regarding your experiences as a child, socialization, a tendency to trust people, and perceptions by others. There is no strong evidence of Asperger's Syndrome in your case and there are some counter-indications. But it's possible that you're on the spectrum.

And, by the way, the way you are is related to nature as well as nurture. This is a safe statement, of course. It's true of most of us.

6. SOCIAL MEDIA.

You indicated that you don't use social media at this time. I don't believe in overly structured or corporate managed communities myself. I do like the idea of places which allow one to speak freely with others. To define for one's self what a community is and to build one. So I don't Facebook but I do Twitter and IRC.

Let's talk fiction sometime. Send me some fragments and we'll debate them. Or you can come to my IRC channels if the mood strikes you. You won't find much structure but you will meet good people.

Regards, Robert (OldCoder)

I watched a Sharks game with Josef tonight. He had a chicken and bacon sandwich.

It appeared that the Sharks would win. However, they lost due to two penalties that came in rapid succession. This is the way it goes sometimes. Things take unexpected turns.

The unexpected is normal and should be expected.

The Masked Lua has checked in and seems to be doing all right:

<MaskedLua> hope is something that should never be lost, and I have to prepare for a fishing trip tomorrow later on today
<OldCoder> That is an odd statement
<OldCoder> Do the two concepts connect to each other?
<OldCoder> Are you hoping for a good fish dinner?

<MaskedLua> lol, I'm hoping to make a friend into a good friend
<MaskedLua> good fish dinner would be a happy side effect tho :)
<OldCoder> Positive in both respects
<OldCoder> What type of fish will it be?
<MaskedLua> she's fishing for crappie so I'm fishing for the same, tho I'll be happy if I catch crappie or catfish, both are good

<OldCoder> Perhaps you shall dine on both
<MaskedLua> maybe, I have to sharpen knives, load line onto a reel, get some hooks and sinkers
<OldCoder> The Zen of Fishing
<MaskedLua> tons of preperation for some fun, and I may go fishing the very next day with someone who wishes to learn how to fish

<OldCoder> Fish for a dish
<OldCoder> I trust that in a day's time
<OldCoder> Fried fish on the plate
<OldCoder> Fried fish you will taste
<MaskedLua> and I don't know, I guess I'd fry the fish when she wishes to eat it, at her or my home, her choice
<OldCoder> Fried fish will not go to waste
<OldCoder> Hmm
<OldCoder> Needs more rhythm
<MaskedLua> it seems good to me :)
<OldCoder> A pleasant time is expected
<MaskedLua> of course :)

Shiing Shen says: I came up with a simple proof for sierpinski's triangle being able to go on forever:

The graphic was generated by LyX. The LaTeX code for the graphic is:

\[ \sum_{n}^{\infty}\frac{\Delta_{b}(h)}{3} \]

<ShiingShen> when I was supposed to be doing a math test
<OldCoder> Have you written up the proof?
<ShiingShen> I'll do that now
<OldCoder> How did you do on the test?
<ShiingShen> not done yet

<ShiingShen> there was a fire alarm
<ShiingShen> this time it was a drill, but it's been pulled twice this year
<OldCoder> It worked out, then
<ShiingShen> I go to school with some great kids
<OldCoder> Is that literal? You know I tend to believe things
<ShiingShen> sarcasm
<OldCoder> Ah
<ShiingShen> but I do have friends
<OldCoder> Good
<OldCoder> Friends are important

<ShiingShen> assume n as the starting point
<ShiingShen> assume the triangle function as a function to get the area of a triangle
<ShiingShen> (Delta)
<ShiingShen> since all you have to do to get the area of a triangle is (b * h) / 2

<OldCoder> Talk about the triangle function
<ShiingShen> TRIANGLE sub b(h) = (b * h) / 2
<ShiingShen> base * height

<OldCoder> Go on
<ShiingShen> I am not sure what to go on with
<OldCoder> Explain the proof
<ShiingShen> well
<ShiingShen> I'll compare it to the simple proof of infinite numbers; add one onto it and you'll get the next number
<ShiingShen> you can keep on going since it's not finite
<OldCoder> All right

<ShiingShen> eh, I won't call this a proof
<OldCoder> What should it be called?
<ShiingShen> I'll just call it infinite sum of sierpinski's triangle
<OldCoder> What is it exactly?
<ShiingShen> this doesn't prove it's infinite
<ShiingShen> you know the triangle
<ShiingShen> ...that's made of triangles
<OldCoder> Yes

<ShiingShen>  A
<ShiingShen> A A
<ShiingShen> just an infinite sum of that

<OldCoder> So it is math art
<OldCoder> A way of expressing a concept
<ShiingShen> I guess so
<OldCoder> What is it that you have presented?
<ShiingShen> An infinite sum of very basic geometry
<OldCoder> A way of writing one

Phenek has sent us a Finland snail:

<Phenek> snail I copypasted to you while I was enjoying a tasty croissant and espresso
<Phenek> I don't know how I found the snail... I just saw something on the ground few milliseconds before I stepped on it and re-directed my feet to keep the poor animal alive...
<Phenek> then I took some photos and nice HD video of him

<OldCoder> video? you videoed the snail?
<Phenek> yes :)
<OldCoder> What motivated this?
<Phenek> it looked cool
<OldCoder> Fair enough

<Phenek> I can upload to youtube if you want to see :)
<OldCoder> Yes! We must see the snail!
<OldCoder> Racing here and there
<OldCoder> As snails do
<Phenek> uploading...
* OldCoder can't wait
<Phenek> :D
<Phenek> uploading at a snails pace
<OldCoder> of course

Shiing Shen says: This function transforms a (k-dimensional) shape into an n-dimensional shape via the a vector in Euclidean space:

The graphic was generated by LyX. The LaTeX code for the graphic is:

\[ D_{d}=\sum_{A=1}^{d+2}\int_{1}^{\infty}a_{A} \]

<OldCoder> What would the vector be?
<OldCoder> Can you provide a simple example?
<ShiingShen> well
<ShiingShen> let's assume a 4D shape (let's say, a tesseract) has two shapes relative to itself
<ShiingShen> so a cube inside a cube
<OldCoder> Yes
<OldCoder> I made one when I was your age
<OldCoder> out of toothpicks
<ShiingShen> I figured if you add 2 to the amount, you get the amount of spacial dimensions
<OldCoder> Two to what amount?
<ShiingShen> if d = 2 (amount of shapes relative to itself) + 2 = 4 dimensions

<OldCoder> “This function transforms a shape into an n-dimensional shape”
<OldCoder> What is the adjective before the first “shape” ?
<ShiingShen> what do you mean?
<OldCoder> Transforms a BLANK shape into an n-dimensional shape. The word BLANK is missing. What type of shape can be transformed?
<ShiingShen> any shape, really
<OldCoder> k-dimensional shape then?
<ShiingShen> sure

<ShiingShen> there is a vector named a, which has these scalars:
<ShiingShen> a sub 1, a sub 2, ..., a sub n
<ShiingShen> if it was 4D: a1 a2 a3 a4

<OldCoder> The goal is to add dimensions? k < n?
<ShiingShen> yes
<OldCoder> Can you explain how to compute d?
<ShiingShen> yes
<ShiingShen> n - 2 will give you d
<ShiingShen> k isn't used in the equation
<OldCoder> If this transforms a k-shape into an n-shape, k needs to be in there somewhere
<ShiingShen> I'll think about it

<OldCoder> You must be able to define each term
<OldCoder> Do that and proceed step by step
<OldCoder> And you will earn a name for yourself
<OldCoder> Possibly the new Shiing Shen
<ShiingShen> thanks!

This is the second of two personal letters that I sent to Nancy G. today. Nancy G., one of several Nancys I have known and cared about, is from a group that included Twisted Time, Kevin, Kern, Akhil, Roger, and others some decades back. Kevin was the leader of the group and Nancy G. was arguably its center from an emotional perspective.

The anniversary is important. It was a day that changed everything. But his birthday is as important. He was part of your family. He was important to you and the other way round. This is the important part. I've known people young and old who have died and this is what matters.

A life is not measured by its length.

An online friend lost his son some time back, possibly at about the same age. He has named a project after the boy and seeks meaning in this way. I will help him if I am able to.

You believe in the Divine. So you trust that there is meaning beyond what we see. Or what we create ourselves. In this meaning you must have faith.

This is the first of two personal letters that I sent to Nancy G. today. Nancy G., one of several Nancys I have known and cared about, is from a group that included Twisted Time, Kevin, Kern, Akhil, Roger, and others some decades back. Kevin was the leader of the group and Nancy G. was arguably its center from an emotional perspective.

You haven't talked about your older son before except indirectly. I've respected the fact that feelings must run deep and not mentioned him either.

Yes, I'm familiar with unexpected loss.

Friends and others close to me have died unexpectedly. One of them committed suicide in 2011 because I was not there to help. The death contributed to decisions related to the book.

The Kiralys came after me to stop the project. This led to the illusions that you and the others have so casually adopted. Only Twisted Time, who remembers past events and participated in one, seems conscious to me now; somebody who perceives reality.

Among your group, I mean. I've met many others this past year who have not jumped to conclusions. Who have been appalled at the situation and made sacrifices on my behalf. Some of them are Christians. The genuine kind as opposed to the ones I knew for so long; the self-righteous Pharisees who sought primarily to control and to hurt as opposed to honor Christ.

I mean no offense and I do care about you. All of you, including Kevin despite the fact any connection was lost after 1971. The year when the Boy Who Wrote was sent away. I am him again by the way. I came back at the end of March 2008.

And Akhil. You must admit he was a *****. A particularly irritating example. But the Boy Who Talked was a ***** too and Akhil was one of the few peers he had.

Did you know how small the number was for the entire district? Bob knew about each one and followed what they became. I hope to have lunch in New York City with the one who is most successful from a spiritual perspective. We will discuss the book. And families and relationships.

He will not jump to conclusions and talk about how unable he is to “solve problems”. That is not what it is about and it never was. If I am homeless or pass away this is a side issue. I am more conscious and alive now than the rest of you. And I am going to help people. That is what matters.

Regarding Mother's Day, I volunteered to help an associate with a Mother's Day crowd. You may read about it on my weblog.

If you'd like a brief smile, take a look at recent posts. I've included a Finland friend's baby playing with a computer. I made the baby a card when she was born a few months ago. Right in the middle of the Kiraly Cases. New life and hope in the midst of lies and attacks.

The Finlander lives halfway around the world but he and I talk. He is kind and more useful than any number of people who are self-righteous.

Phenek says that the baby seems to understand the piano application:

<Phenek> she was quite happy with it
<Phenek> was really concentrating on it
<Phenek> and smiling
<Phenek> moving hand calmly on the screen

I believe it is possible.

For IRCers only. Just a couple of IRC fragments:

<OldCoder> I have been asked... does anybody know what happened to Myriddin ?
<AndroidAndy> OldCoder: We ate him.
<OldCoder> Ah
<OldCoder> AndroidAndy, I am literal. But not that literal.
<OldCoder> :P
* OldCoder assumes that Myriddin is lurking under a chair somewhere

<BlueDream> is there a manual for php irc bots ?
<OldCoder> Manual? You must mean tutorial. As each bot would have a different manual.
<OldCoder> What you'd do is download some simple bots and decide what you wish to do differently
<OldCoder> mrmeow has a simple one that is a good starting point
<BlueDream> I'm just really confused on how i add commands like to google search and stuff
<OldCoder> Do not rush this
<OldCoder> Do simple things first
<OldCoder> It is best if you focus on understanding as opposed to features
<BlueDream> OldCoder Your right your always right :)
<OldCoder> Ha. Not likely. But thank you.
<BlueDream> lol well if it comes to coding I think your right alot more then your wrong your a good mentor OldCoder
<OldCoder> Thank you very much; that is appreciated
<BlueDream> :) your very welcome

I don't have a mother and truthfully I never did. But today, Mother's Day 2013, I volunteered to help somebody whose business was expecting a Mother's Day crowd. He'd mentioned this issue months ago and I'd put the date on the calendar.

I'm looking at the Mother's Day crowd as I write this. Ordinary people. Families young and old. I see a trio of what I imagine to be two sisters and a mother; the mother, in a wheelchair, is at least 90 years of age.

Two college students walk by them. One wears a SJSU tee-shirt and the other's shirt says WC Freestyle Dope. On the other side of the elderly trio there is a young family. A happy infant in a baby chair kicks her legs.

There is a large group near the others. Looks to be a family whose members are in their 30s to 70s. They are chatting amiably. One woman gestures as she speaks.

I am drowsy as I observe these people. Breathing oddly and drifting. The breathing shock issue has not gone away though the weight loss has improved it. I wonder as I drift if I am dying. It does not seem to matter.

I wonder too if all of these people, old and young, take people for granted. As well as the simple act of speaking.

They do not seem to be in fear of anything. I feel that this is good.

<Skittles> First time in a while I've heard of you doing things :P
<OldCoder> I have done lots of stuff
<Skittles> Not what I meant
<OldCoder> But the past few months have been
<OldCoder> ...
<OldCoder> ^ They really have
<Skittles> having fun!
<Skittles> First time in a while I've heard of you doing things to have fun

<OldCoder> Relax will not come just yet
<OldCoder> One step at a time
<Skittles> :-)
<Skittles> The reason I keep hopping is I'm losing faith in indie game dev
<Skittles> :/

<OldCoder> You must not hop
<OldCoder> Find the way forward
<OldCoder> Hop one direction
<OldCoder> You can hop but
<OldCoder> Hop one direction
<Skittles> hop towards
<Skittles> $$$
<OldCoder> Towards the lily pad where you may rest
<Skittles> right
<Skittles> :D

On Saturday May 11 I worked for a while. Started while the stars were still out.

Later in the day I visited Charlie Baldwin. We put his gazebo cover on, or started to, created a VPS account, and argued about various issues. He is stubborn at times.

I learned that Charlie, a few years after he and Li Ping broke up, is still dating; still looking for something that each of us needs. This is surprising. He is not polite towards business associates. But I've observed him for a decade and he is what women want: sincere, successful, well-groomed, interested in communication, and his goal is commitment. If I'm going to write about families and relationships I'll need to talk to more people about how things work.

Saturday evening I did something unusual. I met with three IPT associates from long ago. IPT was an odd company. And in an odd coincidence, Saturday was exactly 32 years to the day since I joined IPT.

The people who came were F.J. Gumby, Boris, and the Civil Liberal. Each person was intelligent and unique. I should have valued all three more in the past. I regret that this is true of other people as well.

F.J. Gumby and Boris are developers. The Civil Liberal is retired. He loves to exercise but has had to give up some sports due to being 75 years old. He was always active. Tried to commute to one company on his bicycle. It was about 20 miles each way.

F.J. Gumby is a startuper. He has been involved in interesting things. The others have led interesting lives as well. I wish I'd taken more of the chances that they did. And lived a life that had ups as well as downs.

We ate at the 191 Restaurant. The chef came to our table and asked us if the cheesecake was acceptable. We said that it was O.K. and I promised to blog this fact. I keep my promises, or try to, and now I have kept the cheesecake promise.

I hope to see this trio and other people in the future. I am very tired. I do not feel that I will make it without people. In the end they are half of what is important in life.

The other half is Time.

Some IRC friends, including Aphrodite, Phenek, Rubidiun, Skittles, Mr. Meow, and others, have asked me recently what is happening. How I am. This is the answer.

Life is a game. The rules have little to do with what we're taught as children. Or what we teach children subsequently. The truth is that the primary rule is to pretend. The game is pretend all the way.

I was born without the native ability to understand this. I needed to learn it over decades. Initially, I believed that facts are facts. That what happens is what matters. That fantasy is for stories and that people stand up for the truth.

This belief proved to be expensive.

In the end, my father, James Kiraly, came after me. Supported by my brother, Thomas, who, like James, panicked without cause. They were afraid that I might say too much. And they assumed that it would be a simple matter to silence me.

They damaged me financially. I didn't get to have a past. I had come to accept that. But now the future is gone.

There will be no more books to read at night. My tall bookshelves, reliable friends for 30 years, are gone and will not be replaced. The apartment where I've lived for a quarter century is at risk. I can't afford the dress shirts I'm told that I should wear. The ones that I have now are gifts.

Even my right hand. It mostly works now; I can hold a pen again and even use it. I've taught myself to type again. But, in a sense, my abuser has taken my hand.

However, some things have changed for the better.

I've lost 60 to 75 pounds. I don't know exactly because I can't find my scale. Half my possessions are gone and the scale may have gone with them.

The weight loss was frightening at first but I'm pleased with the results. Except for the part about looking 20 years older. I look at the mirror and I don't recognize the person there at all.

I wear ties every day and it's fun to choose them. I have the Coder Car now, though it's a large part of my net worth. Most of what I have at the age when people start to retire. On the other hand, it's a sensible vehicle that has above average cargo space and gets good gas mileage. Nice color, too. I'm pleased with it.

Charlie Baldwin selected the Coder Car for me. He's good at cars. After what the Kiralys had done, it wasn't easy to arrange the purchase. I'll post about that day another time.

I have a job and I trust the CEO. The Knight. He crossed the Bay Area to meet with me after years. Without hesitation; this part won't be forgotten.

Some of the people I talked to about things in recent years shrugged or were vague. Even people who owed me a great deal. The Knight owed me nothing but he was decisive. I'll do my part and make things work.

I introduced the Knight and Twisted Time to each other last week. I wouldn't have done this in past years but I've changed quite a bit. It was interesting to see different worlds come together.

People who meet me now see changes. I'm able to connect better. DNA the elderly attorney has invited me to live with him though it probably won't come to that. I was considered wise by some in the past. Even called a sage. The assessment was not accurate but I'm surely more experienced now.

A woman I've called Starlight on the blog, her name in her native language, smiles when I stop by.

Things are so odd. I've learned what people are. There truly are two types of people, and I don't mean the old joke:

There are two types of people. One type of person divides people into two types and the other does not.

Some people are less significant than animals. Aphrodite, they don't measure up to your cats. Or, Mr. Meow, to your cat and dog. Cats and dogs can reason and they serve a purpose. If souls exist, your pets possess them. But there are people who live in a world of illusion. For them, there is no perception. Nothing there behind the eyes. The space marked insert soul here is empty.

People of this type are automatons; little wind-up toys. The other type of person is real.

Here is the important part of the answer:

The Kiraly Cases are over.

The cases will never truly be done. My abuser may come for me again at any time. After he passes away, the others will be there to hurt me. But I've won where it counts, though it is a Pyhrric victory.

James Kiraly got nothing of what he sought, which was the power to stop my writing. To put me in a cage if I spoke up.

The proof of James's goals is simple. Before the first Court hearing in June 2012, I offered roughly what my abuser finally obtained. In fact, I'd have offered it without legal actions. But the Kiralys didn't ask me. They attacked without warning and attempts to settle things quietly were ignored.

I signed a stipulation some months later that once again offered my abuser most of what he asked for. The stipulation was flatly rejected.

Instead, the other side demanded website takedowns and limits on discussions with third parties. They also rejected anything that resembled protection for my writing.

And they demanded a Non-Mutual CLETS Trigger. That clause sounds complicated but it's simple. My violent abuser, James Kiraly, wanted the ability to put me in a violence database. Whenever he wished and at no risk to himself. To hold that over my head. Once again, to stop the book.

I'm told that, to achieve his goals, my abuser spent more money than some people save in a lifetime. He won the battle to hurt me. He lost the war to stop my book.

The blog will resume with a broader focus. The Kiraly Cases were its origin but its heart will be truth. And the book that the Kiralys fought so hard to stop will proceed.

This is the end of a chat with Metacognician. Slightly edited.

<MetaCognician> yes
<OldCoder> To which part?
<MetaCognician> communication successful
<OldCoder> I don't think...

<MetaCognician> and they say an old horse can't learn new tricks ... ;)
<OldCoder> It appears that the majority of people I have met in the past year like me
<OldCoder> An old autistic horse
<MetaCognician> sounds like you're doing well if given a purpose
<OldCoder> is sent to the glue factory
<OldCoder> I will not make it without help. I am asking people for this.

My “family” wishes me gone
If others wish me safe
Perhaps there will be a balance
I am suspended in Time
Like the one friend I have from that far back
Twisted Time and I
are lost and falling free
It will be interesting
to see where we land

He phoned me yesterday. Cannot move his arms well. Even to visit IRC. Too ill for me to visit him. But he has spoken to me.

<OldCoder> I will write of this more
<OldCoder> Over time
<MetaCognician> ok
<OldCoder> Twisted Time

This is a short message for Ioannes.

Yes, I do respect your time. Time is the most important thing there is. Will you visit Ron, known as Twisted Time, with me? If you come with me, you may understand some things afterward.

Have you touched the face of Time? If there is a way to see God on this plane it may not be through human acts that are interpreted as Spirit. It may be through something less ambiguous. The fundamental principle that is Time.

Ron lives in a candle flame. And I was granted just moments myself in the world. I am scattered across the moments. You have swaths of Time past and future. You may take Time for granted. I have fragments in both directions. Fragile pieces of Time. I treasure them. If it is possible I will make them eternal through writing. If there is a God this is what He means to me.

Chaos (my label for an interesting IRC member) came to chat with me in IRC. He expressed the hope that I'd make it through what the Kiralys are doing. I offered him some thoughts in return. I heard them as a simple song as I wrote. It's odd and interesting. The creative side really is back after all the years.

<OldCoder> Thank you!
<OldCoder> And I hope your own purpose evolves
<OldCoder> That there is a tree
<OldCoder> Of branches of people and purposes
<OldCoder> It is an amazing thought
<OldCoder> We can all be many things
<OldCoder> And purpose is what we should strive for
<OldCoder> A tree
<OldCoder> Puts out branches
<OldCoder> Reaches for the sky
<OldCoder> To grow is what it should try
<OldCoder> For
<OldCoder> Before
<OldCoder> the end

<Chaos> nice
<OldCoder> ty

This song is a tribute to “Twisted Time”, an engineer roughly my age who was offered to Michael Bonetto as a witness to the aftermath of abuse by James Kiraly.

The candle part is a true story. My friend is a quadriplegic who lost his mobility in the early 2000s around the same time that I did. He didn't regain it and his health declined. He looks at the world differently after what happened with the candle.

The italicized parts are actual dialogue with other friends of “Twisted Time”. I am “OldCoder”.

A New Song for Twisted Time

He himself lives in the moments of a candle
He looked at a candle
And realized that as he was not breathing
Due to what had happened
When the candle went out
So would he

Ever since that day
He has wondered
If I understand what he has said
If he is still living
In those moments
Of the candle

mrmeow: i hope he will be okay
mrmeow: he is a nice guy from what I have seen
mrmeow: he runs a charity?
OldCoder: Yes
mrmeow: good

OldCoder: View the top photo
Phenek: alright. is it him?
OldCoder: Yes

Stepped out of Time
Out of 40 years
He cannot walk
He cannot move
Sometimes he cannot talk
I do not understand Time
But it is him

Phenek: aha
Phenek: so he has had his unfortunate events too
Phenek: it is sad
OldCoder: He and I

We know
Less than you about some things
More than you about others
We have touched Time

Metacognician: we're all time travelers — one day at a time
OldCoder: Yes

I did not contradict that
But we have ceased to exist
We are ghosts
We live in the candle flame
Flicker in and out
Wondering if we are the person watching the shadows
Or the shadows themselves

Read the fragment again
That is how he lives
He looked into the candle
And gazes there still

Metacognician: I guess we're not allowed to become a Phoenix
OldCoder: Heh. You have noticed the name of his venture

He defies that rule
Will rise if only in Spirit
Though throughout it all
Will wonder
If he is still there
In the moments of the flame

Those who suffer
Those who persist
These are the ones
The ones who exist

The others are the illusion
The shadows
The pretend

The pretend society
It does not exist
It will not persist
Past the moments of the flame

Kiraly Cases Story for Attorneys — Draft version

1. Overview.

This is an outline of two related cases. The perspective is that of the respondent. The people involved are two elderly parents and their four sons. James and Grace are the parents; both are late 70s. Brothers are Robert, 54; Thomas, 53; Kenneth, 50; Scott, 48.

James and Thomas both filed CLETS actions against Robert circa May 2012. CLETS is a restraining order connected to a violence database. It is generally considered to be an emergency measure intended to protect somebody against physical violence.

Robert contends that he has committed no physical violence against anybody since childhood, has made no threats of physical violence, has made no unlawful threats at all, and has not, in fact, broken any law that he is aware of.

Robert believes that the CLETS actions are related to a request that he made of James and Grace in late 2011. Robert claims that he asked James and Grace to help him with a book that he was writing. James made threats during the next conversation and went to the police circa the next business day.

The grounds for going to the police were alleged non-consensual phone calls. The police did not contact Robert and it appears that they dismissed James's visit entirely. About a month later, in early 2012, Grace drove 200 miles to visit Robert unannounced. Grace then started a series of phone calls to Robert. CLETS was not filed until long after Grace's visit. This would seem to render any calls in 2011 irrelevant to CLETS.

Plaintiffs have claimed, by filing CLETS, that they were at risk of physical violence. Robert notes that he lives about 200 miles from James and Grace. And 3,000 miles from Thomas. At the time CLETS was filed, Robert did not own a car and had limited mobility due to a medical issue diagnosed circa 2003 as “necrosis”. In fact, he spent part of his time in a wheelchair.

Robert feels that the CLETS actions are abuse of process. He alleges that the actions are intended to extort an agreement from him to surrender Free Speech rights as well as rights to consensual interactions with third parties. In short, to end his work on the book. Robert is interested in discussing the situation with torts specialists.

2. Accusations and evidence.

There appear to be no specific accusations that Robert has committed physical violence, made threats of violence, or committed illegal acts of any kind. The only specific accusations that seem to exist are a claim of about 70 non-consensual phone calls to James and Grace in late 2011. Robert contends that the bulk of the phone calls in question were consensual and that every call to James himself, as opposed to Grace, was pleasant in tone until Robert asked his parents to work on a book with him.

The plaintiffs imply that Robert tried to blackmail three of his family members, that he demanded money for medical care, and that he threatened to make false allegations of abuse if money was not provided. The three family members who imply this are James, Thomas, and Kenneth. Kenneth is not a party to the cases but he is involved in various respects.

Nearly a year into the cases, nobody has made the latter accusations explicitly. Additionally, Thomas does not appear to be making any explicit accusations at all. He does not even seem to be alleging non-consensual calls though he implies them.

Thomas's pleadings consist partly of a story about James and Robert that does not involve Thomas. The rest of Thomas's material seems to be filler. As one example, Thomas relates the fact that Robert left a voicemail message indicating that books of religious poetry which had been written by the brothers' grandfather Ivan needed to be discussed. Robert notes that he had had possession of the books since the 1980s and wanted to leave them to Thomas in his will, resolving an issue that had been open for decades.

Thomas does not indicate how the gift of the books is connected to physical violence or why it is objectionable in any way.

Robert made one phone call to a particular church in Spring 2012, New Life, and one to a particular volunteer group, Service Core for Retired Executives. Those calls are discussed at a later point. James has implied, through repeated discovery, that something was wrong or inappropriate about those calls but he does not say what. Robert notes that his mother Grace gave him full permission to call the church. And that both calls were pleasant and productive.

The evidence submitted by James and Thomas consists largely of three things: James has submitted a list of phone calls that he claims is a caller ID log. James has also submitted a set of postcards that he and Grace received from Robert. James, Thomas, and Kenneth have all submitted transcripts of phone messages left by Robert.

The caller ID log does not seem to confirm anything but a significant number of calls made on a single day. Robert contends that this was the date that James threatened him over the book. The alleged log also indicates that Robert stopped calling his parents not long after the date in question exactly as they had requested.

The postcards are polite though chilly. They assert that James and Grace cannot stop the book. Robert acknowledges sending the postcards. He notes that he sought the advice of the police in James's and Grace's area before doing so. The police indicated that they saw no problems with the postcards and Robert stands by them.

The voicemail messages are significant. These are primarily calls made from Robert to Thomas and Kenneth in 2012. There are also calls to a senior security officer at a division of Amazon. Robert is clearly angry. He talks about taking family members to court. However, the transcripts seem to have little relevance to CLETS. There appears to be no profanity and Robert does not make illegal threats.

Thomas never asked Robert not to call and there was no request from James or Grace not to call in 2012. As noted elsewhere, Grace visited Robert early in the year and ended any previous request not to communicate.

In an attempt to settle the cases, Robert has signed a stipulation that agrees to most of the terms in the original orders except for going into the violence database. Plaintiffs have refused to settle until Robert agrees to terms that go well beyond the original orders and probably well beyond what a judge could order.

Past settlement proposals have said that Robert must pay $5,000 per phone call if he talks to third parties about his family, that he must take down websites, that he must agree in advance to pay future attorneys fees, and that there must be a non-mutual CLETS trigger. A non-mutual CLETS trigger is considered unusual. It means essentially that James can try to put Robert into the violence database again at little legal risk to himself.

Robert contends that the CLETS actions are abuse of process and that the settlement proposals are evidence of this. He feels that the other side is using the threat of the violence database to force him to surrender Free Speech rights. And that it may be possible to demonstrate actual perjury by the other side.

As an example of possible perjury by James, James has stated under oath that Robert has made false allegations that James is an abuser. Robert has stated under oath that any such allegations are entirely true.

As an example of possible perjury by Thomas, Thomas has stated under oath that a phone call made by Robert to Thomas in January 2012 was “stalking”. Thomas omits the following facts: The call in question was scheduled in advance, it was a Happy Birthday call that Thomas took voluntarily, Thomas and Robert chatted about a number of subjects, Thomas invited Robert to call back, Thomas indicated the date that Robert should call back, and throughout conversations that followed, Thomas never asked Robert not to call.

3. Additional points.

Robert makes the following claims:

* Robert was not lawfully served in the cases. He learned about them only days before the first hearing. He notes that he spent the day before Court in the Emergency Room for related reasons. During the first day in Court he was not able to stand at times due to the medical issue involved.

* Robert asserts that, for financial reasons, he has not been able to defend himself in what he characterizes as unwarranted actions. Robert's family has significant resources. James is a former VP of Transamerica and Thomas is a current VP of Humana. Kenneth is the inventor of the Amazon Kindle. Robert's own resources have been depleted by the cases. As of April 2013 his net worth was well below the legal fees that he had paid to date.

* A review of discovery demands made by the Kiralys will show that at least some of the demands were not calculated to obtain relevant information but were instead most likely intended to harass or raise costs. Demands related to calls to New Life Church are one example. Demands which imply that Robert made allegations of abuse against his brothers are another. The Kiralys have never actually stated a single relevant accusation about the church or provided a single example of an abuse allegation against the brothers.

* Robert lost job opportunities due to what he characterizes as false allegations and abuse of process. His reputation and health were affected. He'd lost 75 pounds as of early 2013 though weight recovered subsequently to some extent.

* Robert is autistic. A preliminary assessment made in Spring 2013 suggested Asperger's Syndrome as opposed to Autistic Disorder. PDD-NOS was considered to be a possibility as well. The issue is relevant because the plaintiffs have sought to prevent Robert from writing down answers in depositions before speaking them aloud. When Robert is tired or distressed he sometimes needs to do this.

* Robert's parents have sought to portray claims of autism as false despite the fact they have known about the issue for over 40 years. And the fact that they were the ones who first told him that he had “neurological problems”.

* Opposing counsel has suggested in writing that Robert does not speak English and has demanded that Robert identify his native language so that an interpreter can be obtained. Robert has been told that this is open mockery. Robert feels that mockery calls the professionalism of opposing counsel into question.

4. Robert's story.

This part is less formal and objective. I will write as Robert here. The following is an updated version of what I have told the Court.

James Kiraly was a hard-working man. He took his career seriously and provided for his family. He was conscientious about that side of things. He was also controlling and physically violent. James's wife Grace was forced to eat meat, which she disliked, because James liked meat. At times, Grace was discouraged from going out at night unless James approved of the errand or he went with her. James displayed anger on these occasions.

James had random fits where he'd literally convulse with rage. His eyes would bulge. When the rage was on him he'd tear up or smash things. He smashed people too. I don't think it's been denied in these cases; possibly because I offered to provide a witness from outside the family. But the family wasn't seriously afraid of James except for his oldest son; me.

I had “neurological problems”, a fact that my mother Grace informed me of using those words. I needed calm and order. Instead, I lived in terror of James and his rage, which was inexplicable and unpredictable.

James focused on me because I sounded different; he referred to my speech patterns as “attitude”. I thought of it as fear. Grace considered James more exhausting than frightening. She left her husband a decade into the marriage with her children in tow, but she returned because there was nowhere to go.

After another difficult decade, Grace asked James to leave and he moved out. But he came back.

Grace considered leaving James as late as 30 years into the marriage. She used to phone me to ask my advice about how to deal with him. Also to discuss my siblings, including the second plaintiff in these cases, Thomas. Grace considered Thomas artificial. He'd adopted a persona to deal with James. Grace called the pretend Thomas a “dark mask”.

I was seen as more honest. My parents didn't make me feel welcome, but my mother considered me the good son, the one who was not cold or unpredictable like the middle two. And less damaged than the youngest brother, who shares my neurological issues and has for his entire life.

The youngest brother, Scott, is an inconvenient fact for opposing counsel. The other side suggests that I am not different and they have made this an issue in the cases. But they have known what I am for my entire life. They are the ones who told me. And they know about my similarities to Scott.

Scott and I are not completely alike, though. He has OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and was also potentially dangerous and violent. I don't share either characteristic with him. He inherited them from James.

At any rate, Grace and I talked about things. The family situation calmed down from the 1970s to 1990s. I tried to remain on good terms with my parents and made efforts to connect with James. He rarely acknowledged my presence but, for example, in 2003 I asked him for his opinion of a business document I'd written. James declined to look at the paper but I made additional attempts to talk over the years.

Around 2005 James and Grace drove through my area en route to visit two of my brothers. I asked my parents if they'd like to eat with me but they refused. They did agree to meet with me briefly in a parking lot.

Things changed for me in 2009. I'd been physically ill since around 2001. Lost my mobility at times. Significant pain but there was no regular medical care after 2003. Starting in Fall 2009 there were periods of alternating fever and low body temperature that lasted for weeks. I could no longer eat at times without breathing difficulties and loss of consciousness.

At the nadir, Summer 2011, I was immobilized in my apartment without food for about two weeks. I lost partial use of my right hand at this time. An apartment manager found me on the living-room floor. I was given food and a wheelchair and received injections that I believe saved my hand. It was a month until I could walk reliably and it took me until late 2011 to recover.

My index finger still bends backwards at times. I'd like a hand surgeon but the money has gone to these cases. An acquaintance, Paul, committed suicide during this period because I wasn't there for him.

I started to think about the meaning of life and considered working more on a book that I'd planned since 1971. I spoke more with Grace and made attempts to discuss serious matters. What had happened with the family; what had happened to me; my attempts to move forward with my life.

I assumed that Grace would be willing to talk since I'd always been there for her when she'd wanted to complain about my father or my brothers. I didn't understand until later that she was interested in talking primarily if it was about her own concerns. We continued to speak until late 2011 regardless.

Neither James nor Grace asked me not to call their household or gave any indication that they wished this. In fact, I started talking more to my father, James, and Grace welcomed this step. Every conversation with James that I recall until the end was pleasant. We spoke about James's household projects, about his volunteer work with a group named S.C.O.R.E., and about other positive issues.

After Thanksgiving 2011, I asked my parents if they'd work with me on my project. Circa the next conversation, my parents told me that they were going to accuse me of making “30” non-consensual calls to them. This was confusing as there had not been a single non-consensual call up to this point.

As I understand it, James has increased the stated number from “30” to a number in the 70s. I don't remember if that's supposed to include calls made in 2012. James is lying about what happened either way. Again, there were zero non-consensual calls that I recall before James threatened me. During the incident in question, he said something about the police and slammed down the phone. I called him back and said something similar to “what are you talking about?” He slammed down the phone again and I called back to repeat my question. I think James claims that I called about 20 times that day. I question the number.

Regardless, every call before this incident was consensual. Additionally, calls to James were pleasant. But my father went to the police circa the next business day. At least one set of pleadings in these cases includes a detailed story about the police calling me after that. The story is a fantasy that never happened. To the best of my recollection, the police never called me except when I contacted them first to verify that my actions appropriate or to ask them questions about filing paperwork related to James.

In early 2012 my mother Grace drove about 200 miles to visit me unannounced. We went to the Olive Garden. She ended any request not to communicate and started her own series of phone calls to me. She also volunteered remarks about how my family would see to it that I would not be homeless. Given the fact that legal bills paid through April 2013 exceeded my net worth as of that point, the irony of the latter point is striking.

Both Grace's visit and her phone calls to me are visible in discovery evidence. I don't recall ever again receiving any request not to communicate from either plaintiff in these cases.

In Spring 2012 I phoned my mother's church with her full permission. I spoke with Pastor Ron about the nature of a Christ Follower. I also called S.C.O.R.E., the group my father had told me about, and spoke politely with them about their mission. I learned subsequently from relatives that James was enraged by the calls. He made statements to people similar to “don't be afraid ... to give me something ... to prosecute Bob”. He also urged others to “present a united front against Bob”.

I wanted to discuss the threats that James was making with my brothers Thomas and Kenneth. But Thomas stopped taking my calls without explaining why and I never reached Kenneth at all.

I was unhappy that my brothers had not shown me the courtesy of telling me they didn't wish to talk. I was also dismayed by James's threats. I sent James and Grace postcards, which the police approved in advance, telling my parents that they could not stop the book. And I left voicemail for everybody that expressed my feelings about James's unwarranted threats. I never received a request not to do this from either plaintiff after Grace abrogated the original request not to communicate.

I am not presently aware that specific accusations of unlawful threats or other unlawful actions have been made aside from the claim of a large number of non-consensual calls in late 2011. That claim is false as explained above and does not involve Thomas at all. But both James and Thomas filed CLETS.

Opposing counsel created filler material in lieu of cases. Thomas cites the imaginary story about the police mentioned elsewhere and the story does not even include him. He talks about our grandfather's books of religious poetry which I wanted to leave him in my will. Thomas also refers to a Happy Birthday call as “stalking” despite the fact the call was prearranged and Thomas invited me to call back.

James has tried to imply harassment and mental illness and hacking and extortion. And he submits postcards that the police approved as “evidence”. Evidence of what besides James's own threats is not clear.

I am not aware of formal accusations, as opposed to innuendo, aside from the false claim of a large number of non-consensual calls in late 2011. In 2012, Grace ended any request not to communicate and started her own series of calls to me. And Thomas never asked me not to communicate at all.

But I have been forced to spend $28,000 on legal fees. It is more than my net worth as of the date I wrote this. I was not properly served and I have reason to believe that opposing counsel is aware of this. I spent the day before the initial hearing in the Emergency Room. This is related to the difficulty I had standing in Court. I feel that I have been lied about. I'd lost over 75 pounds by early this year. I've lost job opportunities and seen my reputation damaged. I signed a stipulation about contact but opposing counsel has repeatedly demanded more than the original orders; the surrender of fundamental rights.

There are vague references in settlement proposals to “indirect” actions that are aimed squarely at social media or consensual communication with third parties. One “offer” seems to allow James to demand a $5,000 payment if there is a single conversation with a newspaper reporter. If my attorney and opposing counsel discuss “contact”, opposing counsel prefers the word “conduct”. The word “conduct” is so vague that it could be used to mean anything my father doesn't like.

And opposing counsel insists on a non-mutual CLETS trigger. My violent father wishes the right to put me into a violence database.

There is one positive part to all of this. My book is going to continue. And I believe that it will help people.